‘Surely it couldn’t have been very awful? You were more than qualified.’
‘Oh God.’ Charlie hid his face on her shoulder, as if it would be less humiliating to tell his tale if he didn’t have to look at her. ‘I thought it might be all right. I’d been gossiping with the manager’s secretary while I was waiting to be called in. She told me not to worry about disguising my limp, because Miller – the bank manager – had one of his own from the last war. He’d been decorated after Verdun. The staff were very proud of having a war hero for a boss, she said. I thought, well, if he’s a veteran too then…’ He laughed hoarsely. ‘Then at least he’ll be on my side.’
‘Wasn’t he?’
‘I don’t think he was on anyone’s side, except his bank’s. One of those snooty-looking fellows with pince-nez on the end of their nose, who regard you as if you’re some form of insect life. Within a few minutes, I was shaking so much I could barely keep in my chair.’
‘What did he ask you?’
‘About my schooling. How my arithmetic was, and if I could provide a reference from my commanding officer. And then he asked…’ Charlie closed his eyes. ‘Why I’d left the RAF.’
‘Did you tell him?’
‘I gave him the official reason. That the nerves in my arm had been damaged, which prevented me flying. He seemed sceptical. Wanted to know why they hadn’t moved me into an instructor post or some desk job. I told him I could provide my discharge certificate if he wanted – probably sounded pretty defensive. Anyhow, he said that wouldn’t be necessary. He was only interested in whether there was anything that would stop me doing the job.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I said my penmanship wasn’t as neat as it once was, but it was legible as long as I took care.’ Charlie swallowed another sob. ‘But I couldn’t stop shaking, Bob. Couldn’t stop. This man Miller stared at me for what felt like an hour, and the shakes were getting worse all the while. Then he reached into his desk and took out this bag of coins.’
Bobby frowned. ‘Coins? Whatever for?’
‘He wanted me to count them.’
‘That’s a funny sort of test, isn’t it?’ Bobby lifted his chin to look into his eyes. ‘I’d have thought he’d give you credit for at least being able to add up.’
‘He didn’t want to know if I could add up,’ Charlie said quietly. ‘The coins went everywhere, Bobby. I couldn’t grip them. I fumbled so much that I could barely get them out of the bag. Mr Miller just watched calmly as it rained pennies, told me not to bother picking them up and said they’d be in touch. Didn’t even shake my hand.’
‘Oh, Charlie.’ Bobby held him tight. ‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart. But perhaps something will come of it.’
‘I can delude myself about a lot of things, but I know a complete disaster when I see one.’ He gave a depressed little laugh. ‘All for a four-pounds-ten-a-week job that any kid with his School Certificate could do. It’s hopeless. I’m unemployable, Bob.’
‘You can’t be. You’re clever and presentable and… and likeable. There must be dozens of jobs you could do well.’
Charlie snorted. ‘No one’s going to pay me enough to support a wife and child for being professionally likeable, are they?’ He rested his forehead against her chest. ‘I’ve let you down, darling,’ he whispered. ‘I’m sorry. I did try, honestly.’
‘You haven’t done any such thing.’ She planted a firm kiss on his forehead. ‘You did your best and I’m proud of you. The shaking is outside your control.’
‘I don’t know how we’re going to make ends meet, Bob,’ he muttered in a hollow voice. ‘You can’t work much longer. You shouldn’t be working now. Even if we’re careful, our savings will have dried up by the time the baby arrives. If I have to beg Reggie for a loan, I will, but he and Mary are hardly swimming in cash either.’
Bobby shivered as she thought about what had popped into her head at work: that there was a possibility she was carrying not one but two babies. She was glad no such idea had occurred to her husband. In this sort of mood, a worry like that might push him over the edge.
Her thoughts turned to the postal order in her pocket. She hated to see Charlie this way: looking so utterly defeated. For a moment, Bobby considered telling him of her windfall in the hope it might cheer him up, but then she thought better of it. Telling him now, when he was tortured by his own inability to provide for his family, wouldn’t do his spirits any good.
Another thought occurred to her, however. It was a subject she hadn’t liked to bring up before, but it felt like the right time now.
‘Charlie?’
‘What?’
‘I just wondered… did you write back to the Air Ministry? About the DFC, I mean.’
Charlie’s brow lowered. ‘Do we have to talk about that now?’
‘I’m sorry. I only thought that… well, it might help, mightn’t it? You said the staff at the bank were proud their manager had been decorated. I know it’s complicated, but people do care about that sort of thing. If potential employers knew you’d been awarded the DFC…’
She trailed off in the face of his black expression.
‘I won’t masquerade as a hero to get some damn bank job,’ he said, his tone grim.
