‘I never amounted to much, did I?’ he said quietly. ‘I do know that. Honestly, Bob, I couldn’t believe my luck the day your sister told me she was expecting and needed me to step up for her. That made me… made me someone, you know?’
‘So you loved her because she needed you?’
‘Not only that. My mam and dad made a rough job of bringing up me and my brother. Never cared much about us, I reckon, and they hated each other. I thought that Lil and the baby were my chance to do better.’ He paused. ‘I loved her because I wanted someone to love, and she was mine.’
Bobby sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Tony.’
‘I was wasting my time though, wasn’t I? She’d never have been able to forget how it all started. And now this has happened…’ He closed his eyes. ‘Well, it is what it is. But for my daughter’s sake, I want to do better. I will do better.’
Bobby put a hand on his arm. ‘If you mean it, you might start by having a man-to-man talk with the captain. With your voice this time, not your fists. You’re the only one who can make him change his mind.’
‘Aye, I will. No point both of us buggering off.’
Bobby frowned. ‘What do you mean, both of you?’
He finally turned to face her, his eyes filled with weary resignation. ‘I’m off, Bob. That’s what I was in Bradford for today. In two weeks, I’ll be leaving here. I don’t suppose Reg will cry too much at losing me from the mag.’
‘I don’t understand. You’re not leaving Lil?’
‘I think we both know Lil left me a long time ago, if I ever had her,’ he said with a sad smile. ‘No point kidding myself about it till we’re two old people sharing a house and hating each other, like my parents. Some things you can’t move on from, Bobby. For her sake and mine, I have to let her go.’
‘But they’re your family, Tony!’ Bobby stared at him in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe you’d abandon Lil and the baby, after everything the three of you have been through.’
‘I’m not abandoning them. I’ll send money to support them – a fair bit more than she gets in housekeeping now, once I start work. Pay’s not much but it’s better than here.’
‘You’ve got another job?’
‘Aye. Pioneer Corps.’
‘You’re joining the army? I thought you couldn’t serve because of your asthma.’
He snorted. ‘Told you that, didn’t I? Told you a lot of things – you and others. No wonder your sister can’t respect me.’
‘I don’t understand, Tony.’
‘The night our Annie was born, I told you I’d done things I was ashamed of. I thought God must be punishing me by taking Lil. Remember?’
‘I remember.’
‘Well, this was the worst. The quack who did my medical said I wouldn’t be A1 because of my asthma but he could certify me fit for home front duties with the Pioneers. I’d just got my job at theCourier.’ Tony was quiet for a long time, watching the beck.‘Told the doc I’d rather stay as I was. Hinted I’d make it worth his while. Risky but I’d heard he might be bent. Well, so he was.’
‘You bribed an army doctor to get out of serving?’ Bobby stared at him. ‘My God, Tony.’
‘Aye, now you’re disgusted. Don’t wonder, after your Charlie nearly died for this thing.’
‘So you told them what you did? That means prison, surely.’
‘No, I just asked for another medical. They’ll review exemption cases if you ask, now they’re desperate for men.’ He swallowed. ‘Late to start doing the right thing, I guess. I don’t suppose she’ll ever respect me – Lil. I know now she’ll never love me. But that little baby loves me. When I see her smiling at me, her eyes full of trust… I want Annie to respect me, Bob. I want her growing up proud to carry my name. That’s why I’m going. Not for Lil. For her.’
His face was working with emotion. Bobby put a hand on his arm.
‘I think… that’s the right thing to do,’ she said gently.
‘I know it is.’ Tony roused himself. ‘I’ll talk to Parry. Happen he’ll reconsider when he knows I’m going. And after a bit, if Lil wants to make a change, she can cite desertion or adultery or whatever she wants. Put it all on me, I don’t care. I guess I deserve it, after the way I pressed her into marriage. Bound to be gossip but she’ll get along all right if folk think I’m the one to blame. Divorce don’t bring the shame it did ten year ago.’
‘I’m so sorry it had to end this way.’
‘So am I. I did hope she might learn to love me. It took this business with Parry to make me realise she never would.’ He turned to look at her. ‘But I’m not sorry. We did it for Annie. If it ends in divorce, my daughter can still hold her head up. That’s all I wanted.’
