Bobby drew her gaze away from Topsy to look at him. ‘How long have you felt this way about her, Teddy?’ she asked softly.
‘I do not know,’ he said with a sigh. ‘Since the moment I saw her, I think.’
‘Does she know?’
‘Of course she does not know. How could I speak such foolishness to her?’
‘Why is it foolishness? She’s ever so fond of you, you know.’
‘She indulges me, as she would a child or a favourite pet. Nothing more.’
‘I don’t think so. She hasn’t said anything to me but I believe she cares about you a great deal, in her Topsy-like way.’
‘What will I say to her? The doctors tell me I am crippled for life, Bobby. Half-blind, my body broken, I can do nothing for myself. The metal your Dr Lazenby removed from me has damaged my spine so I will never walk again, and so I must be pushed everywhere in a chair, a useless mound of flesh. Perhaps I will never be able to father a child. I am half a man, destined to be a burden on those who care for me. And I am poor; a foreigner. Even this so-sweet Topsy would not look twice at such a man.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘Huh.’ He turned the other side of his face to her: the side that was bumpy, scarred and mottled with skin grafts, from which the socket of his now-useless right eye peeped out. ‘Would she lie next to this at night? This monster from a freak show?’
Bobby took his hand.
‘You know, when I found you on the mountainside, I found it hard to look at you,’ she said quietly. ‘The burns on your face looked so horrific that it made me feel quite sick to see them. I’m ashamed to admit that to you, but so it was. But Topsy, she looked straight into your face and didn’t even flinch. All she felt was compassion for a man in pain. I’d underestimated her strength, and her compassion too. I think perhaps you do as well.’
‘So she would take me for pity?’
‘No, but she would take you for love, and I believe she could love you despite all those things you just said.’
He sighed. ‘Even if there was a chance she might have me, would I be so selfish as to attempt to tie myself to a beautiful young girl who is so full of life? She would be more nurse to me than wife. I love her enough that I would never suggest such a thing to her. Sometimes when we love, we must make the hard decisions.’
‘Yes. I know we must.’ Bobby pressed his hand. ‘I’m so sorry, Teddy.’
‘As am I.’
‘I do think you might reconsider. Topsy ought to be able to make her own choice. It isn’t a sacrifice to care for someone you love.’
‘Would you do so, if your young man came home so maimed and broken? If you knew he could never give you children?’
‘I have no young man,’ she said quietly. ‘But… yes. Yes I would, if it was someone I loved. Not because I was trying to be noble or anything of that nature, but because I’d want to be with him and help to ease his pain.’
Teddy’s gaze drifted to Piotr and Jolka. Tommy was sitting in his father’s lap, having finally managed to get his hands on one of the cakes from the table. Piotr was wiping the boy’s custard-smeared face with a napkin while Jolka cleared away some of the empty plates.
‘Now here are a happy husband and wife,’ Teddy said wistfully. ‘I do not know many men, Polish or English, who would be comfortable for their wife to be the breadwinner while they tend to the baby. Yet Piotr seems quite content with his lot.’
‘Do Jolka’s paintings really sell as well as all that?’
‘Enough to make her a rich woman one day.’ He nodded to the easel. ‘Look for yourself.’
Bobby stood to examine the half-finished painting on the easel. It was very evocative, with the lone rowing boat in the foreground and the green flanks of the fells rising above the trees behind. There was a quiet, lazy solitude in the summer day it captured; one that seemed far removed from a world at war. The colours were so vivid you could almost smell it.
She was gazing at it admiringly when someone tapped her shoulder. Topsy and Jolka had come over together. Bobby flushed at being caught examining the painting.
‘Sorry, Jolka, I hope you don’t mind me looking,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t help it. It’s such a beautiful painting.’
‘Well, it is not yet finished,’ Jolka said. ‘But I am rather proud of it.’
‘This is the commission you’re working on?’
‘No, this I paint only for myself. I am going to make a present of it to Topsy when we leave.’ She looked out over the lake. ‘If we ever do leave. This is a perfect spot for painting, and near to Piotr when he returns to his training. Now Fate has sent us here, I have a mind to make it our permanent home.’
