We’d even gone shopping before we left so she’d have the perfect outfit for tonight. Seriously? He’d only seen her twice so he still didn’t know most of the clothes she had, but there was no reasoning with her. I understood her excitement and I was happy for her. Unfortunately I couldn’t be as happy as she was. I still had a huge hole inmy heart and as much as I wanted to believe he could fix it, I wasn’t sure.
Once the lights went down I knew they were on stage and waiting to be introduced. Joe led us backstage and to the wings in time for their first set to start. Chaos sounded better than ever and my insides melted listening to his voice. They’d started with one of my favorite songs—Riding The Storm—in a way it reminded me of us. What I didn’t expect to see was Preston Mitchell get introduced and come out from the other side of the stage to perform with them. The crowd mobbed the stage. It was unbelievable, and he was my father. Holy fuckin’ shit. What was he doing there? Damn. Why was he there? It made no sense.
I looked at Michelle and she just shrugged her shoulders. Turning toward Joe I could see it on his face. Yup, it’d been a setup. Everyone knew he was going to be there but me. Why? Seeing and talking to Chaos wasn’t hard enough, they had to bring my sperm donor into the picture. The father I’d never met and long decided I never wanted to.
There wasn’t really anything I could do. I had to see how it’d play out. At least I wasn’t alone. Michelle was there, she’d be my wall if I needed her. I watched him play guitar and interact with the band, it was weird. I’d known who he was my entire life but never met him, never talked to him, and deliberately avoided watching his music videos or performances when they were on TV.
It stopped feeling strange after about three songs, then I was just watching a concert, like any other concert and didn’t focus on who was playing, just the music. It was good. Together they all played well. I hoped someone was recording this because it’d be excellent on a live album someday.
Just before the set ended, Chaos turned to look at me for the first time. Our eyes met and just as before I wanted to drown in them. He was so sexy, and I wanted to be crushed in his arms. He flashed a quick smile but I couldn’t smile back, I felt frozen in time, scared, hurting, and wanting him all at the same time.
Then it happened. Before I could think about what I’d do if I had to talk to my fatherhe was walking towards me. I had the horrible urge to run away, far away as fast as I could. Instead it was like I was glued to the floor. Standing there like I was waiting on my executioner.
“’Ello, Cynda. I’m your dad.” He held out his hand and I stared at it. Holy shit. The moment I’d been dreading my whole life was right here, back stage at a rock concert. If I’d been watching it on TV I would have laughed, and said shit like that doesn’t happen in real life. But here I was and it was happening. I had the sweaty palms to prove it.
Michelle nudged me, and hissed under her breath. “Say something, don’t just stand there.”
“Hi.” I wiped my hand on my jeans, and then reached for his extended hand. His hand was warm and his fingertips were callused, all the years of playing guitar had taken their toll. What did Neil Young say? Something about musicians rusting?
“Joe, Chaos said you were going to show us where we could chat?”
“Yup, follow me.”
I looked at Michelle, I wanted her to come but she shook her head. I was on my own, so much for my wall when I needed her. Sighing, I followed them. I could do this. I’d been through worse. He was just an old man now. What could he do? He wasn’t going to hurt me, couldn’t—he’d done that my whole life by ignoring us.
Joe brought us to the band suite and left us alone. I grabbed a bottle of water and sat down in one of the chairs. I wanted space and if I’d sat on the couch he would have been too close.
Preston pulled up a chair and sat across from me. Sitting eye level I could see I looked a lot like him, including the emerald green eyes. I’d spent most of my childhood wishing I’d looked like mom. She’d been so beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyed, but nope I looked like him, at least he couldn’t deny who I was.
“This must be incredibly hard for you. I’ve had a few days to get used to it and it’s hard for me.”
“What do you mean?”
Sighing, he sat back, and took a drink of water. “I never knew where you were. I knew of you, but my bloody manager told me years ago your mum refused to see me or let me see you. I had no idea where you were. Dixon swore your mum would take out a restraining order if I went near you, so I stopped looking. It killed me, but I thought it was what she wanted.”
“It wasn’t. He was full of shit. Every month when the check would come she’d cry. When I was little I didn’t understand. She never even dated, not once.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say, Cynda, except I’m sorry. Really and truly sorry for everything, especially all the wasted years.”
Tears pricked my eyelids. Why couldn’t this have happened when mom was alive. She would have been so happy, she thought he’d tossed us aside. I knew she read the entertainment magazines searching for info on him, then later on she’d search the internet. “I wish you’d discovered this earlier, she died four months ago.”
“I know, Chaos told me. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there for both of you.”
“Chaos? I didn’t even know he knew any of this.”
“You’d be surprised what that boy knows and what lengths he went for you. He tracked me down and told me about you and your mother, and about how the bastard was trying to fuck them now.”
I didn’t know what to say or think. Chaos did this? Why? Was it his way of trying to make up for all the shit? “I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, I hope you’ll let me into your life now. I’d like to get to know my only child.”
“Mom thought for sure you’d married and had other kids.”
“No, she was it for me. When I lost her she took my heart. I wasn’t celibate don’t get me wrong, but I never loved another woman or married one, and unless Dixon has more secrets you’re my only child.”
Tears, like raindrops slid down my cheeks. It was so sad. If what he said was true they’d both loved each other their whole lives. It was so unfair they were kept apart. Dickman had a lot to answer for, and ifPreston and Chaos didn’t wipe the floor with him, I would.
“So, what do you think, will you give yer old dad a chance?”
