Fury and Rage agreed. Sometimes I felt bad about having the room but they’d said since I wrote most of the songs I needed the space. I was hoping soon I’d have someonesharing it with me, and that reminded me why I’d sat down to begin with.
“Hey, Flame. Have you talked to Michelle lately?”
Fury laughed. “You’re fuckin’ kidding me right? He’s on the phone with her for hours every day.”
Flame’s face actually got red. I definitely needed to spend more time with them. “Really? Do you have any plans to see her?”
“We’re trying to work it out for her to come down this weekend while we’re in Georgia, but she wasn’t sure she could leave Cynda.”
“Can you ask her to do me a favor?”
“I can ask but I’m not sure she will. She’s pretty pissed at you.”
“I’m not surprised, but I really need this.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Great. See if you can get her to send you the lyrics Cynda wrote for my new song. I want to do it while we’re here, then she has to get Cynda down here for the show.”
“Fuck, dude, you don’t want much do you?”
“Hey, dream big or give up, right?”
They all nodded, it’s been our saying since we’d first decided to start the band.
Next I went to talk to Joe. He was driving and I kept it short, but he’d gotten a hold of Preston who’d agreed to do what I asked. Everything was falling into place, now we just had to make sure Cynda was here on Saturday night.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cynda…
Michelle went back to her own apartment on Tuesday. It’d been only me and Sylvester since. It was quiet, especially after life on the tour bus. I was surprised how fast I’d gotten used to having so many people around…especially one person. Chaos still called every day but I wasn’t ready to talk to him or even listen to his voice mail. Even if he apologized, what would it matter?
No we hadn’t been together very long, but he’d gotten through to that spot inside no one else had. I thought I’d been important to him too. For him to not even listen to what I had to say hurt so damn bad. The mirror showed me my bruises and scratches were healing, but my inner pain wasn’t going anywhere. My heart still felt like it had a gaping hole that bled pain all day. I woke myself up crying in my sleep over him again last night. Maybe I needed therapy? Or more ice cream and chic flicks? It sure seemed like I needed something.
It probably didn’t help I had to work on the songs. Every time I listened to his music it brought it all back. I finally knew how horrible salt in a wound felt, since I was living it.
I had torn the lyrics to the new song out of my book and given them to Michelle. I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away but I didn’t want to see them either. I’d decided if he hadn’t submitted them to the record company, it wasn’t my job to do it. So I focused on the music he’d written and tweaked his words.
The songs were great, I hated to admit it, and I couldn’t figure out why Symmetry wanted them changed. I made small changes here and there but even after spending just a few days with the band, I felt like I had a pretty good idea of who they really were and how the songs should be. I hoped when they recorded them they liked what I’d written.
I wanted to stop caring about them, about him, but I couldn’t. The hollow feeling inside wouldn’t go away. I’d spoken to Eric/Flame a few times and he seemed really nice. I knew Michelle had it bad for him andit seemed he felt the same way. He even asked her to come down for their show in Georgia on Saturday. I told her to go but she said not without me.
How could she ask me to go there, to see him, or even that little bitch? Yeah, I’d seen how Sweets tried to fix things, but she’d fucked it up so bad I didn’t think it could ever be fixed.
I had the next song queued up on my iPad and was just about to hit play when my cell phone rang. I almost didn’t bother to look, but I was glad I did when I saw it was Joe. We’d spoken once a day since I’d left. He kept trying to talk to me about Chaos but I didn’t want to hear it. We did talk about the lawyer though.
“Hi, Cynda.”
“Hey, Joe. How are you?”
“I’m great, tired. It was a long drive but we’re here in sunny Georgia.”
I smiled, he was just so cute. “That’s good.”
“Yes it is. How’re you doing?”
I didn’t want him to worry about me, but he could read me too well even over the phone so it didn’t pay to lie. “I’m okay I guess. Mostly the same. I think it’s going to take a long time for my heart to fix itself.”
