It was bad. It could ruin my chance at teaching kindergarten or school at all if they saw the picture. Once things got on the internet they were there forever. Fucking bitch might have just ruined my life, and she was probably laughing her ass off.
“Is that it? Because it’s more than enough, she destroyed so much today. Probably even my chance to teach.”
“I’m…nope it’s not. She also tweeted you were stealing their songs.”
I was in shock. I heard her I think, but the roaring in my ears was so loud I might have only seen her lips move. Jumping off the couch, I picked up one of the books from the table and threw it across the room. I needed to release the tension somehow. I was suffocating in my own skin. How could anyone do that? She might as well have killed me.
“No…no…NOOOOOOOOO! She couldn’t have, she didn’t. He would have stopped her.”
Michelle tried to give me a hug but I pulled away. I couldn’t be touched, I didn’t want to feel anything. It was bad enough having my heart torn to shreds but now my reputation too. What did I have left?
“Cyn, honey, don’t do this to yourself. We’ll figure something out.”
“How can we fuckin’ figure this out? She tweeted it. She’s in a world famous rock band and probably has a zillion followers, it’ll be everywhere.”
Michelle went into the kitchen and returned with two glasses and a bottle of Malibu Rum. Pouring us each a glass, she handed me one. I wasn’t sure this was the best idea but what did it matter? It’s not like I had to be anywhere tomorrow morning or probably ever again.
“C’mon we can do this. Maybe the attorney I found to help with the contract can help with this?”
Help with the contract. Shit, the discussion with Joe about all of this seemedlike months ago instead of just a day or two. It’s like my life had been on fast forward since I’d walked into the dressing room at The Shaggy Dog and dickman introduced me to all of them. So much had happened in five days.
Sitting on the couch I pulled the afghan around me my mother made, still not able to get rid of the chill. Maybe the rum would help? I took a small sip, I loved this stuff usually, reminded me of what a trip to the Caribbean would be like, but all the crying made my throat rough and each sip burned a trail to my stomach. It did help warm me up though. Heat spread through me as I downed the shot and handed the glass to Michelle for a refill. Eventually my throat would stop burning and maybe I’d get numb.
I leaned back and stared at the ceiling, wishing my mom was there. She’d know what to do. She always knew what to do. Twenty-four was too young to lose your mother. She was supposed to be there when I got my first real job, got married, and had children. The tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked them away. Nope, I was not going there.
“One thing I don’t understand is why they thought you were stealing his songs? You’re their songwriter.”
“I know, and if Chaos had given me a chance to explain none of this would have happened. Or maybe it still would have. She left before he and I had it out. Anyway, I was out with him in Philly and we’d been having a great day.” Yeah it had been almost perfect, if I’d been in bed with him cuddling and talking about the song instead, it would have been perfect. “I guess she must have been snooping while we were out and she found the notebook I write in before I put it to music on the iPad. It’s sort of like my song journal. You’ve seen it.”
Michelle nodded. “Yup, tons of times.”
“Well the other night after everyone was in bed, I heard music from Chaos’ room. It was a haunting ballad. Totally different from anything he’d ever written and it was amazing.” Thinking about it, I remembered how it made me feel, and how the lyrics popped into my head and wouldn’t leave. “I got the idea for some lyrics and wrote them down with some of his notes so it would flow right. When she found the notebook shefound the lyrics and figured out it was his song.”
“Shit. You didn’t tell him?”
“No. I was stupid. I thought I’d surprise him once I had them the way I really wanted, I was still working on them. In fact, when he was doing radio interviews I used his guitar and worked on them. Joe, the bus driver, heard me and that’s how we had the whole conversation about dickman and my father.”
“Now it all makes sense, I wondered why all of a sudden you were getting involved in contract stuff for them.”
“It was for Joe too. He’s such a wonderful man. He’d have been a great dad.”
“Do you think he’s right, I mean about the manager, and your father not even knowing?”
“Considering the little I know of Rod Dixon, yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me. But it doesn’t change anything.”
“Are you sure?”
“What could it change? I still don’t know him. He wouldn’t know me if he tripped overme. So why bother trying to figure it out now?”
“So you could have at least one parent.”
I heard the bitterness in her voice, and realized I sounded ungrateful. She’d lost both her parents when she was six. Her grandmother raised her after the car accident, and they were never really close.
“Maybe, I don’t know. Right now I can’t think about it, not with all this other shit hitting the fan.”
“There is one small good thing in all of this.”
“What’s that?”
