Chaos grinned, and it lit up his whole face. Yup there was the sexy hunk I’d been drooling over. I was going to have to be careful and make sure I keep those thoughts to myself. My inner sex fiend jumped for joy. At least someone was happy.
“We’re kicking off the tour at the Garden on Friday night. The bus will be leaving here at eleven.”
“I live in the city so how about I meet you there after the show?”
“Nope, I want you backstage so you can see what it’s like. You need to know what we go through and how the fans react to be ableto write for us. If you want to meet us there fine, but be there for the sound check at two.”
Nodding, I figured it’d still be better than taking the train out to Jersey again and having to get dickman to pick me up or take a cab. Going straight to Madison Square Garden would be one subway ride and much easier. “Okay, I’ll be there.”
“Good. We’ll see you tomorrow. Sorry if it seems like we’re kicking you out, but we need to rehearse for tonight’s show. It’s our last gig before we start the ‘official’ tour and we want to blow them away.”
“Sure you are,” I murmured under my breath. I was tempted to stay for tonight’s show, but one glance at Chaos’ face told me it’d be a bad idea. I needed to get the hell out of here. I must have lost my mind to agree to go on tour with the band. I knew one thing, I’d need to make sure to keep a tight hold on my inner sex fiend or this was going to be a freakin’ disaster. Maybe my insanity started when I took the damn job. I hate this business. I’d resented the rock n’ roll business for as long as I could remember, so of course where did I go to get a job—Symmetry records, his record company.Tears pushed at the back of my eyes. Maybe waiting by the car would have been a better idea. The last thing I needed was for any of them to think I’m weak. Chaos would roll right over me. Damn.Mom, you’d better be happy about this. She would have told me everything would be okay and to not give up, but going on tour? I wonder what she’d think of this.
Chapter Three
Chaos…
I knew I was being rude to Cynda and as she turned to leave I felt a pang of guilt. It wasn’t her fault. She was caught up in this fucked up shit as much as we were. Just what we needed—a power play with the fucking record company, and it looked like freakin’ Rod was on their side. I didn’t get it really, what was their fuckin’ problem. My songs were good. They’d be hits if they’d give us a chance to record them. It’s not like we lacked material, our fucked up family lives and the foster care system had supplied plenty, well until we’d all ended up at the Sherman’s. They were the closest thing to real parents any of us had and we’d do anything for them. Shit. I was going to have to fucking forget all of it for now, Jack and Sally were coming tonight and it’d be the first time they’d seen us play in a couple of years. We wanted them to be proud of us. I’d have to friggin’ figure out how to fix all of this later, but for now no fuck ups before tonight’s gig.
Rod said something to Rage before he left, probably telling him to tone it down tonight. If he didn’t fucking back off Rage, he was going to be sorry. One of these days he was going to blow up and none of us wanted to be around when it happened. But at least Rod was gone, sometimes I wondered what the fuck we’d been thinking when we signed with him to be our manager, he’s such a douche. It always seemed like he did what Symmetry wanted and fuck what was best for us. What the fuck was up with that? Then there was Cynda Pearson, he couldn’t imagine anyone less fucking likely to be able to write songs for them, why had they really sent her? She wasn’t a rocker chic. Hell, when she walked in I thought Rod had it wrong. I’d expected a guy, but Cynda, damn. She looked so young, like a high school kid. Her jeans and sweater covered her from head to toe and it was like ninety degrees outside, how fucking weird was that? With her long brown hair, the bangs, and glasses she looked like one of the nerds from high school. Was she even old enough to be in a bar? Then she’d looked at me with those huge emerald green eyes, and fire raced down my spine and straight to my cock. I’d never reacted to a woman like thatbefore, it was like being struck by lightning. I didn’t know if it was the scotch or being pissed off, but being so close to her for the next few weeks was going to be fucking interesting.
“Chaos?”
“Yeah?”
Wrath looked at me strangely, “You okay?”
“Yup, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I’ve been talking to you for almost five minutes and you haven’t said a word.”
“No way.”
Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Are we going to practice or you gonna to sit here and stare at the fuckin’ wall some more?”
I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he was right. We needed to get on stage and do the sound check. “Yeah, c’mon let’s go.”
As soon as I stepped onto the stage my aggravation melted. It was my favorite place to be and it didn’t matter if there was an audience or not. This was my real home. Everything—all the emotions I kept bottledup—came out while I was on stage. Writing and singing was my fucking escape. All the hate and anger seething inside came out and I always felt better afterwards. Definitely better than any fucking mandatory therapy session we’d had to go to. I was pretty sure the rest of the guys felt the same way too. We were tight, closer than most real brothers.
Grabbing my Strat I hooked the brown leather strap over my shoulder and smiled as I ran my hand over the beautiful guitar. I still couldn’t fuckin’ believe she was mine. We’d started with instruments from the pawn shop and as we’d made money we’d traded up for better equipment. It had taken until last year, after we’d made platinum with the first album, for me to finally buy Eleanor. Finished in a tobacco sunburst with a rosewood fingerboard, she was my baby. I’d called her Eleanor because getting her was like a fuckin’ dream come true, just like Nicholas Cage in the movieGone in 60 Secondsand his Eleanor, the grey mustang he’d fucking chased until the end.
Our names were based on our personalities when we’d first gotten to the Sherman’s. It reminded us of where we’d come from, but it’d been a fuckin’ crapshootwhen we’d chosen our instruments. We’d been fuckin’ clueless when we’d picked them up in the pawn shop, except for Fury, he’d been amazing on bass from the first time he played it. Wrath played rhythm guitar, and they stood next to me on stage. Flame burned up the keyboards, and was off to the left of the drums. Rage was a natural on drums, in the beginning he’d beat on them so hard we’d have to replace his sticks after every practice but eventually he’d done better controlling his anger. I knew most of his story but none of us knew all of it. Sweets and Candy stood off to the right. Once everyone was in place, I nodded at Rage to count us in.
The spotlight slid over me, as I belted out the lyrics of our number one hit,Left Behind. The words poured from me like they were part of me. I became Chaos the rocker, gone was the insecure boy who I kept hidden deep inside. As long as I was singing I was free, to feel, to yell, and celebrate my anger, and my joy.
Fury, Wrath, and I moved all around the stage, making sure to get as close to the edge as possible. We wanted to be up close and personal with our fans. Hell, it’s what wefucking lived for. The set went quick and as fast as we’d started it was over. It was a good rehearsal. Sean, our soundman, rocked out during most of the set. When we were on no one could touch us, and I needed to make sure we stayed that way.
As the last note faded away a few of the employees of The Shaggy Dog cheered and clapped—the sound would never get friggin’ old. “I think we nailed it.”
Rage tossed his drum sticks in the air and caught them. “Hell yeah we did. We were fuckin’ on.”
Everyone looked happy except Sweets. Something was definitely bugging the girl and it didn’t look like I’d be able to fuckin’ put it off until later. I didn’t want it affecting her performance tonight if I could help it. Something was going on and I needed everyone to be on tonight especially since Sally and Jack Sherman were going to be in the audience. They’d done so much for us. It was important for them to see how we’d taken what they’d taught us and turned our lives around.
“How about we head over to Ricky’s for pizza and chill for a bit.”
“Hell yeah, who knows how long it’ll be ‘til we get some of their primo pizza again.”
Shaking my head at Flame, I swung Eleanor over my head and placed her carefully on her stand. I was still getting used to having roadies take care of our equipment, Snake, Jack, Eric and Mike, were one of the biggest changes since we’d signed with Symmetry and prepped for the tour. Roadies. Rod hired them, but they were decent guys at least so far. They took good care of our stuff and made sure no one touched anything. It was about the only fuckin’ only thing Rod had done right.
