Grabbing two bottles of water from the mini-bar, I sat next to her on the couch. I was going to pull her into my lap again but figured maybe I should wait to see what she was gonna say.
Out of habit I loosened the top of the water bottle before handing it to her. Shetook a long drink and pulled her legs up to her chin as she rested her back against the arm of the sofa. “You telling me you love me is like a dream.”
“It sure as fuck didn’t feel like it when locked yourself in the bathroom.”
“Yeah I know. I’m sorry, do I have to get on my knees and beg forgiveness or what? I’m trying to explain.”
“Sorry. I’m just confused.”
“I know and you have a right to be. I fucked up. I’ve been worrying you don’t feel the same about me as I do you.”
“So you…”
“Hey, let me finish okay?”
I nodded. It wasn’t easy, my instinct was to argue or something. I felt stupid sitting there, but I kept my mouth shut and took a swallow of water.
Michelle…
Stupid beyotch. How could I have fucked this up so bad? He looked like a hurtlittle boy sitting there, and it was all my fault. What the hell was I thinking? I’ve been driving myself crazy wondering how he feels about me and he finally tells me exactly what I want to hear and I freak the fuck out. I need to be kicked in the ass. Who does this shit? I’ve been waiting, praying, dying to hear those three little words, and then when I do I run into the bathroom and cry? Seriously screwed up. I am lucky he didn’t leave while I was in the shower.
I wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him too. But I couldn’t. Now he was pissed and I couldn’t blame him. I’d be pissed too if I were him, which made this all the more fucked up.
“Love scares me.”
Eric looked at me like tell me something the fuck I haven’t already figured out. I almost grinned, the look on his face was classic Flame. “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking it’s all over your face. I’ve only told three people I loved them, my parents and Cynda, and it took me a long time to be able to say it to Cynda.”
Now I had his attention. His eyes met mine and were filled with questions. Ineeded to hurry this up, my phone was going to go off soon with another text from Cyn and I didn’t want to leave this hanging. Shit. Pull up those big girl panties and suck it up.
“When my parents died I wanted to die too. My grandmother was a mean old grouchy bitch. She took care of what I needed, made sure I had clothes, went to school, had food, but she didn’t have one kind bone in her body. I’m sure she blamed my parents for dying and leaving me with her. I couldn’t wait to get out of her house when I turned eighteen, and I never looked back.
“You don’t talk to her at all?”
“I sound like a heartless bitch, right?”
“No. I guess I just figured at least you had family and didn’t end up in foster care.”
He had a point and maybe I should have been more grateful to grandma bitch but I couldn’t. I’d tried for years, but every time she pushed me away. It started after the funeral. I tried to hug her and she actually fucking pushed me away and told me to stop crying and I needed to get over it. I was freakin’eight years old. Who says that shit to a little kid?
“I’m sorry. I know you had it much worse, but I think Jack and Sally showed you a lot more love. Anyway, after they died I was worried that anyone I loved would be taken from me. So closed myself off, I didn’t want to love anyone. No close friends, no boyfriends, just lots of one time dates. Until Cyn. When we met we hit it off instantly and as much as I tried to push her away at first she wouldn’t let me. Does any of this make sense?”
“Yeah I don’t know how but it does.” He smiled and reached for my hand. Scooting closer I let him put his arm around me.
“I think when you said the words, all my dreams and fears came out at the same time. I was thrilled and scared to death. I don’t want to lose you.”
The tears were coming, Flame was fuzzy from the hazy ‘looking through water’ vision. I saw him cringe, I’m sure he’d had enough tears for one day. He’d told me before he hated when girls cried, that his sisters were total crybabies when they first moved in with them.
“Can I talk now?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice not to sound weepy.
“I’m not going anywhere. Got that?”
Nodding again, I snuggled closer. I wanted to believe him but I couldn’t get rid of the icky feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like something was about to get fucked up and I couldn’t stop it. “But…”
“Nope no buts about it. Michelle, I love you. I really and truly do. It surprised me too, I never expected it to happen, but it did. I’m not going to be sorry for it either. You changed me, I can’t even look at another woman without seeing your big brown eyes. I want to wake up with you every morning and go to bed next to you every night.”
I was hot, my face had to be three shades of red and wet from the stupid tears. What the hell? I can’t remember crying this much since I was little. “I’m sorry.”
