It sounds really depressing when I put it like that, but that’s my reality.
I can’t have it all, and I think the sooner I accept that, the sooner I can start trying to enjoy my new future.
But I can’t do anything about that until I find Kieran.
He must have come home at some point in the night because his car is in the driveway, but he never came to bed.
Honestly, I can’t remember what it’s like tonotwake up alone.
I never thought I would miss having Kieran Sullivan in my bed, but then again, I didn’t think I would be exchanging my college degree for motherhood.
After searching the entire downstairs of the house, I eventually find him hidden away in Ronan’s office.
The room is cast in shadow, with the curtains still shut and the lingering smell of coffee in the air.
“I’ve been looking for you.”
“I’ve been stuck in here all night, doing damage control.” Kieran leans back in his chair and runs a hand through his hair, messing up the slight curls.
I hover in the doorway. “I’m sorry to interrupt. But I need to ask you something.”
“You can ask me anything if you come here.” He pats his thigh.
My cheeks burn as I pad over to Kieran and take a seat on his knee.
His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me tight against him, and he quickly buries his face in my neck, nipping at the sensitive skin with his teeth. “Now, tell me what you want for Christmas?”
“I want to never picture you as an old, fat guy with a beard ever again.”
Kieran pinches my waist. “I could pull it off, you know?”
“Want to test that theory?”
Kieran pulls back and grins at me. “Who knew Riley Walsh was into such kinky role play?”
“You’re twisting my words.”
“Deny it all you want, but I will be getting you a Mrs. Claus outfit.”
I slap his shoulder. “Don’t you dare. I will set it on fire.”
“Ah, so you’re a secret pyromaniac."
“I fear we may have gone off topic.” I lean against his chest and glance at his computer monitor, at the multiple spreadsheets open. “This looks…fun.”
“It’s a thrill a minute. Now, what did you need to talk to me about?” Kieran strokes my waist.
“You’re not going to like it.” I fiddle with the hem of my shirt.
Kieran takes my chin in his hand and turns my head so I’m facing him. “You don’t know that, little dove. Now, tell me.”
His dark eyes soften, and I can’t help but reach out and gently stroke his cheek.
There’s a few days’ worth of stubble coating his jaw, and the rough feeling of it against my chin makes me shiver.
It’s been days since we’ve had a moment alone long enough for me to even savor the feeling of his skin against mine.
Is this just our relationship now? Nothing but secrets and stolen moments?
