Inside I find three pages, written front of back. The handwriting is rushed and messy, as if Riley’s hand couldn’t keep up with the pace of her thoughts.
The first few lines are an apology, and I almost stop reading. I heard all of this before in the doctor’s office, and quite frankly, I don’t care how sorry she is for lying. It doesn’t explain why she did it.
But curiosity keeps me reading.
Her apology starts to morph into a recollection of a conversation she overheard between me and Ronan in his office, one I barely remember myself. But I can understand why it would have stuck with Riley.
I had straight-out admitted to my brother how I wasn’t ready to be a father.
And the fact that she heard that not long before she found out she was pregnant with my child… It’s no wonder she was terrified of the possibility that I would walk away and see the baby as nothing more than a burden.
But what hurts even more is that she thought I would see my relationship with her as a mistake.
By the time I reach the end of the letter, my chest feels hollow.
Riley was scared, not because she wanted to deceive me, but because she thought she was protecting me. And as much as I hate to admit it, I understand.
I close the letter and press the heels of my hands to my eyes.
I’m such an asshole.
The truth is, I’m not just angry because she lied. I’m angry because she was right.
Iamterrified of being a father and of screwing up. Of not being good enough for her or our child.
But none of that changes the fact that there’s a baby coming.
I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table and stare at the letter in my hands.
We need to talk, not as enemies, but as two people about to bring a life into this world.
But am I really ready for this conversation? To open my heart to pain again?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
RILEY
Kieran is finally home,but it seems he has no intention of talking. I’ve been sitting out on the patio, waiting for him for hours, and when I finally caught the roar of the engine and the muted slam of a car door, I thought maybe he would come outside to talk.
But given how quiet the house is, he’s likely gone to bed or locked himself away in Ronan’s office to work.
I can’t go upstairs and face him, at least not until I know he’s read my letter. Then again, there are so many ways he could have misread my words or simply dismissed my apology, or maybe he simply set it on fire without reading a single word.
Hope is a fragile thing, and it’s starting to slip through my fingers.
After what I did to him, I don’t deserve to be given the space to explain, and he has every right to cut ties and walk away.
Despite that, I’m still holding onto the hope that I know he is a good guy at heart, so I will cling to that as long as I can.
I try to make myself accept that maybe my apology won’t change anything and that what Kieran and I had is gone forever. But the thought of raising our child without him makes my stomach turn to lead.
I am not scared of the work or the responsibility, but I am scared of not having Kieran in my life.
He is everything I didn’t know I needed, and the thought of navigating through parenthood without him to lean on is not something I’m sure I can do.
“I’m sorry.” I slowly rub my stomach. “You’re not even born, and I’ve already failed you. But I’m going to do everything I can to fix this?—”
The sound of crunching gravel has me jerking upright on the lounger.
