Chapter One
RILEY
There’sblood on my hands.
I might have washed them half a dozen times and got rid of the hot, sticky substance on my skin and the metallic twang in the air, but I’m not sure I’ll ever feel clean again.
Maybe that’s a good thing.
An innocent man is dead because of me.
I couldn’t bear the thought of marrying Sean O’Keefe, one of New York’s most notorious crime bosses, a man old enough to be my father, and Dr. Allen paid the price.
His wife’s screams of agony as she watched him bleed out from multiple gunshot wounds still echo in my head.
And if Ronan hadn’t gotten to us in time, Ciara and I would have ended up the same way.
My blood turns cold at the thought.
I’ve put the Sullivans through hell, and for what? For some evidence that turned out to be fake because I was stupid enough to fall for my father’s trap.
God, how many more people will suffer because of the choices I’ve made?
All I can do is hope that my child won’t be one of them.
I sit cross-legged on the edge of Ciara’s bed, twisting the hem of my sleeve until the fabric bites into my fingers. I’m exhausted, yet too restless to sleep, but I’m not the only one.
Ciara lies propped up in her bed, her green eyes fixed on me as if she’s waiting for me to snap. “Do you want to talk?”
She’s almost nine months pregnant with twins, uncomfortable, and clearly exhausted, yet somehow, she still has space to offer me reassurance I don’t feel like I deserve.
So, I shake my head and go back to fiddling with my sleeve.
I don’t want to talk about how Kieran and I almost died in an ambush on the freeway or how Dr. Allen bled out from multiple gunshot wounds while his wife watched.
I’m so tired of all of it.
“You’re doing the right thing,” she says softly, shifting against her pillows.
“I’m not doing anything.”
“I mean, in telling Kieran about the baby. You might know him better than I do, but I know he hates being lied to. The longer you keep this from him, Riley, the harder it’s going to be.” Her voice might be gentle, but I don’t miss the warning underlying her words.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I know. I just… I’m scared. What if this is the thing that makes him walk away from me? What if I lose him?”
Ciara’s lips curve into something that isn’t quite a smile.
“If Kieran loves you, and I think he does, you won’t lose him over this. You’ll only lose him if you let fear stop you from telling him the truth.”
Pressing my hand against my tummy, I can’t help but want to protect the secret life that is growing there. I’m barely four weeks along, but the whisper of possibility that this life brings is enough to terrify me.
I was never one of those girls who dreamed of getting married, and having kids, and somehow in the space of a few weeks, I have the possibility of both.
Well, Kieran might not legally be my husband, but the thin gold band he wears on his finger says otherwise.
I used to resent the matching ring I wear on my finger and refused to wear it as a way to punish Kieran. But now it’s a source of comfort among the chaos that is our lives.
The sound of the front door opening jolts me out of my thoughts, and a male voice filters up the stairs, deep and rough with irritation.
