Every inch of me begins to ache. My ears ring so loud that I fear my drums will burst. He’s been carrying around his deep-rooted trauma with him and putting on a brave face when inside he’s not even here.
“Your brother was a manipulative, controlling asshole who put you in an impossible situation. Your actions were out of fear. But you aren’t like them. You never purposely hurt those girls, you tried to help them,” I say carefully as I take a step forward. “And Ava is here because of you.”
Evan’s head shakes. “It’s not enough. I don’t deserve to be here.”
“You are a survivor, too, Evan,” I say with sincerity.
“I hate him,” he seethes. “I hate that he did this, and then I fear I’m just as bad as him. Even if I try to convince myself otherwise. I could have done more; I shouldn’t have cowered in fear.”
The second he breaks down again, I step forward and wrap him up in my arms.
“You are nothing like your brother, or that pack. You are not some psychopath; you have empathy and guilt, and your pain isso visible. Being him is your biggest fear, and that’s why you’ll be nothing like him.”
I know what that feels like.
“I will always hate myself for it,” he hiccups into my chest.
I cradle the back of his head with my hand and close my eyes. “Then we will work on it. Together. This hasn’t changed my perspective on you whatsoever. Nothing you say could push me away. I understand more than you realise.”
Evan’s hands fist the back of my shirt. “Do you really mean that?”
“I swear,” I whisper as I press my lips to the crown of his head. “We’re gonna work on it. All of it.”
And despite wondering what the Moon Goddess thought when she matched us together, I’m starting to think maybe she thought we could heal each other's wounds.
Fill in the pieces together because we’re both still trying to navigate our way through life, without the shadow of our greatest enemies hovering over us.
30
EVAN
My shoulders might feel lighter from voicing my trauma, but my heart is still breaking. Speaking the truth will never make what I did better, and I can’t help but think I deserve this pain.
Caleb pulls away from our embrace. I don’t remember how long he held me for, but I didn’t know how much I needed a hug. He cradles my face and pushes away a few rogue tears.
“Can you stay?” I croak.
He nods. “I wasn’t going to leave.”
“Okay.”
We stay like this for a moment before he guides me towards my bed, and wraps me up in his arms once more. It’s an alien feeling because a sense of safety has never been anything I’m used to, but being here with him? It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.
His large hand rests on the back of my head, and I inhale his scent as my nose presses against his throat.
“Have you had therapy before?” he asks gently.
I shake my head.
“Why?”
“It wasn’t something I thought I deserved.”
“Pups,” he whispers so delicately it makes me tremble. “You should talk to someone, for them to show you that you are as much of a victim in this. You’re self-harming, and that’s…”
I peek my eyes up at him, freezing at the agony behind his expression.
“You can’t keep doing it,” he rasps.
