“You’re very quiet today,” I comment. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
Evan remains silent before pushing himself up. “I–”
My forehead creases. “What’s wrong?”
He sniffles as his eyes wander anywhere but my face.
“Talk to me,” I urge.
“I’ve been speaking with Gemma, and I thought now you’re home, everything would get better,” he says slowly. “I’m so relieved that you’re here, but there is still such a heaviness in my heart, and I want to be the best person I can for our relationship.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
His mouth parts, and he inhales a small breath. “And I think I need to go to a mental health facility,” he says after a few moments. “At first, I didn’t want to, but the more I think about it, the more I realise it’s something I think I could really benefit from. I want to come out of this with a new way of thinking. I don’t want anything to come between us, and I’m scared I’ll end up pushing you away if things get bad again.”
“Pups.” I stroke his arm tenderly.
Evan’s mouth trembles. “I-I’ll be away from you,” his voice breaks. “I know, but I’m really struggling right now, and I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to get better, and I want us to be happy.”
“If it’s what you need, then I’m here for you,” I say sincerely. “It’ll be a small amount of time compared to the rest of our lives.”
He finally looks at me with glistening eyes. “It’s gonna hurt.”
“But it’s for a good reason,” I murmur. “And I can come to visit. All I want is for you to be happy, the happiest you can be, and I know you’re doing this because it’s not healthy to rely on our relationship like you said before. This is a huge step, and I’m beyond proud of you for putting yourself first. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
My heart weeps at the possibility of being away from him, but I’d never jeopardise his health for my needs. He comes first, always.
My arm slips around his waist, and I pull him into me, desperately needing to feel his touch and not taking it forgranted. I drag my hand through his hair and inhale his scent, soaking up as much as I can before we might part again.
“I want to be the best mate,” he says as he sniffles. “And right now, I don’t think I can be that with all this noise in my head and my urges to self-destruct. I don’t want that life for me anymore.”
“Do what you need to do,” I whisper in his ear. “I’ll be there for you every step of the way without fail.”
“You sacrificed so much for us to be together, and now I know I need to get better so we can truly live the happiest lives we can,” he murmurs into my neck. “I really want to live, Caleb, so I know I need to do this.”
My hand drags down his head, and I close my eyes. “I really want you to live too.”
He pulls back and gently rubs his hand over his clothed wrists. I glance at the action and frown. “I want to look at the marks I’ve made on my wrists and see a survivor, not someone who isn’t worthy,” he chokes out. “And that’s all I see, weakness and defeat. I did this. It’s a reminder that I failed. How could I do that to myself?”
My eyes clench together tightly as I cup the back of his head. “Don’t you dare say you failed again. It’s a reminder you lived through those bad times, but you’ve come out the other end stronger, because you’re still here. Where you’re meant to be.”
Evan sniffles.
“You are a fighter, and I know deep inside your heart you know you’re one, too,” I whisper. “Because you wouldn’t be thinking about this step otherwise. That proves how brave you are.”
He wrinkles his nose as he presses his forehead into mine. “I’m so scared.”
“Don’t be scared, pups. You are going to get through this.”
“I missed—” his voice hitches, “you so much.”
I splay my hands against his back and kiss his cheek. “I missed you, too. More than you could imagine.”
“Are you going to be okay without me being here?” he asks.
My chest tightens at the thought of more time apart, but it’s for a good reason. “Yeah,” I murmur. “I’ll be okay. I know you need to do this, and I’d never take that from you.”
“Gemma shared with me some facilities local to here,” he says.
