What I didn’t realise was that I'd feel so emotionally and mentally drained after telling my entire life story. I cried until Gemma ran out of tissues, and even then, she listened without belittling me.
I didn’t know what I expected therapy to be like, but this wasn’t it. She said it was a safe space, and that’s exactly what it felt like.
Years' worth of weight off my shoulders, but I’ve still got a lot to work through. Especially cutting out my habit of self-harming when the memories and dreams become too real.
I know it’s not healthy, and I wish I didn’t do it, but when it’s been a part of my life for so long, sometimes it’s all I know.
Hey, are you there?I mindlink Caleb.
My mind falls silent, and I frown.
Caleb?
I can’t talk right now.
I blink at the clipped tone and try not to let it damage my already broken heart. He’s a busy man with his own livelihood. I couldn’t even fathom what it would take to be an Alpha with that many responsibilities, but I can’t lie…it hurts.
Okay. I’m sorry.
I don’t hear anything after that, just distance.
Gemma’s words ring in my mind.
It’s good to have people around you, but relying on others for happiness or validation can be harmful when it’s our only lifeline. We need to be sure in ourselves to grow, and that can take time.
And she’s right.
Caleb might be in my life, but I can’t expect him to be at my beck and call every single time I need help.
My hand rubs over my chest at the ache that starts to grow.Stop overthinking.I tell myself.He’s busy.
But right now, he’s the only person I want to talk to. The only voice I want to hear. To ground me. To remind me that everything is okay. I’ll get there eventually.
I curl up in a ball on my bed and clutch my pillow tightly. My fingers grip the fabric until my knuckles turn white. I exhale a sharp breath, but everything still feels tense.
My eyes close, and I attempt to calm the storm brewing inside me.
You’re okay, Evan. You’re okay. Everything will be okay.
The words might not feel real, but it’s all I have right now.
38
CALEB
Since migrating two packs, it hasn't been easy to get everyone working together. The way Cole ruled his pack is entirely different from mine, and it shows. They might not see me as their Alpha yet, but we still need to work together to protect our land and our livelihoods.
Without trust in one another, we might as well be dead.
Today, our training session together is vital. They’re still wary of me, and that’s expected, but I’ve shown them nothing but respect.
But some days, it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall.
Their loyalty still lies with Cole.
I stand back and observe the training session, allowing Cole’s original pack members to take the lead to give them the ability to showcase their skills.
It’s not until Carson approaches my side that I know something is wrong.
