What if it works out?
A noise echoes from outside my window, and I turn my head towards my blinds. I frown at the noise, it sounds like a whimper or a quiet cry. When it doesn’t happen again, I turn my attention back to my book and try to engross myself in the story.
I chew on my lip as I flick my eyes over the words, only for the sound to reach my ears again. It’s now louder than before, and I feel my heart hammer in my chest because I know it’s coming from the garden, which is directly below my bedroom.
Without hesitation, I push back the covers and walk to my window. I tilt the blinds slowly and glance outside, but I can’t see anyone or anything. I hum to myself and turn towards my door.
I lean over my desk and grab my dressing gown before sliding it over my arms and around my body. I crack open my door and head downstairs to find the back door shut but unlocked, someone must be home.
My fingers wrap around the handle and I pull it back. As I step outside onto the patio, I instantly regret not putting on any shoes because the stones are freezing now that the sun has gone down.
I glance down the side of the house, my eyes squinting as I find a body hunched over, head in their hands. A sob wracks the back of their throat as they choke, the sound making me pause for a moment because it’s haunting.
“JJ?” I call out.
He doesn’t move as I take a few steps forward, not wanting to startle him. When my bare feet come into his view, he sniffles and wipes his nose with his wrist before more tears spring out of his eyes.
A surge of panic rushes through me.
I lower down to his level and flick my eyes over the shadows on his face from our dim garden light, and it shatters my heart to pieces when I find his eyes red and cheeks damp from his tears.
“JJ,” I whisper his name this time, the two letters becoming lodged in my throat. “What’s happened?”
I study him as he buries his palms into his eyes and shakes his head. My eyes wander to his wrist, and I dig my teeth into mybottom lip. I want to comfort him, but I don’t want to push him away if it’s not what he needs right now.
“Oh fuck,” he curses and glances up, then he sniffles again.
This time, I don’t hold back. I can’t let him sit here and sob his heart out without a bit of comfort, even a light touch to let him know that I’m here and he’s not alone. I lean forward and place my hand on his inked arm ever so gently.
He twists his head towards me, and I flick my eyes over his face. If he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t have to. I’m the queen of bottling things up, so I understand if he doesn’t say a word.
I’m certainly not one to judge.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I offer softly.
JJ glances down at my hand as I smooth it over his forearm in slow circles. He watches the action as I do it, and I notice that his breathing finally begins to even out after a few seconds.
“My mum,” he says hoarsely.
My heart twangs. Oh god. Oh god. Please,no. My palms begin to sweat when he speaks.
“The treatment she’s having.” He takes a shuddering breath. “It’s taking too long to work, and now I’m starting to worry that there is nothing that can help her. This was our last hope, and I’m fearful of what it means.”
My face crumbles at the sadness in his words. I sit up on my knees and lean forward to wrap my arms around him, his head resting on my shoulder as he sniffles.
“I am so sorry, JJ,” I exhale as I hold him tightly. “But don’t give up hope. There might be something, and the treatment might start working, or they might have something new for her to try. Don’t give up. She needs you to stay positive for her.”
His arms snake around my back and he grips onto my dressing robe, fisting the material as his body shakes against mine. I close my eyes and tell myself not to cry, even though my throat feels like I swallowed razor blades.
But I need to be strong for him.
He’s far away from home; he’s far away from his parents. My lip wobbles at the thought, he’s here and can’t do anything to help. I couldn’t even imagine that pain and isolation.
I tilt his head up from my shoulder and hold his handsome face between my hands, using my thumbs to push away his tears that keep rolling. “I know it’s easier said than done, and you have every right to feel the way that you do right now. But there is still time, there is still hope that something might work for her. She’s in the best place she can be, where all the treatments are and the best doctors.”
JJ squeezes his eyes shut. “But what if there isn’t?”
“Try not to think about the what-ifs. You could spend hours, days, spiraling, thinking about what might be. Instead, channel that energy into positive thoughts. She needs your love and support right now,” I whisper and tilt his head a little. “I know this is hard for you and your family, but don’t give up. Keep going. I’m right here with you.”
