“I wanted the attention, I always did. But I get where you’re coming from with your insecurities, thinking you were competing with me. I found myself becoming insecure with the girls who would judge me and spread nasty rumours about me because I was catching boys’ attention,” she says gently, and I finally turn my gaze to meet hers. “I struggled with my own image because I wanted to look the best, be the best. Hell, when I was sixteen, I wanted lip filler, which is crazy because I was a child.”
My lips purse, and I play with the sand between my fingers. “But what I’m saying, Ivy, is I understand how you felt. I’m sorry for not paying better attention to it at the time. I should have been a better friend, and I wish I didn’t care about what other people thought of me, but I did, I still do.”
Emotion clogs my throat as I glance at her to see the sincerity and honesty etched onto her expression.
“And you were right; rejection is hard for me because I take it out on myself. It does happen to everyone.” She drags her tongue over her lip. “I’m sorry for what I said to JJ at the party. I was pissed out of my mind, but I meant it positively, that if you’re not his type, then fuck him. I’m sorry if it didn’t sound like that. You are beautiful, and you don’t need to be defined by someone’s type. You don’t need to conform to societal norms about beauty, because everyone is beautiful in their own way. And it’s taken me a while to realise that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling in school?”
Daisy shrugs and releases a long sigh. “I thought if I ignored my problems and my insecurities, they’d go away.”
“I felt the same,” I admit. “We could have helped each other.”
“I know,” she says, her shoulders drooping slightly. “I wasn’t a great friend because I was too busy focusing on my social status, but I want to be better. I want to be that friend who doesn’t give a fuck if a boy doesn’t like them or when I don’t look like a top model from Instagram. I’m over having to compare myself to everyone. I just want to be me. I just want to be happy.”
I swallow quietly. “We’re not perfect. None of us are. And I know, high school was a crazy time with all our fresh hormones. But I want you to be happy, too.”
“I know, Ivy.”
“And I’m sorry. I wasn’t being a good friend when you came over the other day. I should have been more supportive than bitter,” I sigh. “I wish we had just talked it out instead, and I feel awful.”
She chews on the inside of her lip as I look at her out of the corner of my eye. “The reason you got so upset when I said that thing to JJ is because you like him, don’t you?”
My mouth falls open and I attempt to shake my head, but somehow I can’t move.
“I know I asked if I could talk to him, Iv, but if you had told me you liked him, I would have backed off. I would have never gone there; I got the impression that you didn’t really like him,” she says slowly.
“I lied,” I blurt. “I lied about the night we met.”
Daisy frowns. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I didn’t lie. I withheld the truth.”
“Go on.”
“I slept with JJ the night I met him.”
Daisy’s eyes widen. “What the hell, Ivy? Why didn’t you tell me? I would never have tried to go after him if I knew that.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess it was so out of the blue and unlike me, it felt weird voicing it to you.”
“Did you think I’d judge you for it?”
A sigh escapes my lips and I roll a hand down my face. “I thought everyone would judge me for it, not just you.”
“I don’t care who you sleep with, Ivy. As long as it’s consensual and you’re safe doing it,” she says sincerely. “Fuck, I wish you told me.”
I close my eyes for a brief second. “All my emotions have been a mess since coming home.”
“Which is understandable, given you haven’t been here in years. I wish you had said something to me so I wasn’t going around making an absolute fool out of myself around him when it’s obvious he likes you. I thought maybe he was just protective, considering you’re Finn’s sister, but he looks at you with stars in his eyes,” she says, and a lump forms in the back of my throat.
“It won’t work out.”
“Why?”
“Because of Finn, because of everything in the past.”
She shuffles closer to me on the sand. “I know you’re not the same Ivy since before the accident.” Her hand rests against mine. “But you deserve to be happy, you deserve to do what youwant with your life. If Finn doesn’t like it, he doesn’t have to. But it’s not his choice.”
