After I pushed her against the wall as she moaned into my mouth and fisted my shirt.
After I heard how aggressively her heart thumped against mine.
After I told her that what we felt was not lust.
When in fact the desire to have her is so strong, I can barely function knowing she purposely avoided me while Finn was at work.
I’ve never really been good at voicing how I feel or what emotions I’m experiencing because I grew up thinking it was a sign of weakness. But when my mum got sick and I couldn’t keep everything bottled up anymore, it all came out and I realised… expressing how you feel isn’t too bad.
Last night I wanted to say a million different things, but none of them would have come out right. I probably would have pushed Ivy further away, knowing she was already in a fragile state. That’s the last thing I wanted after already upsetting her once.
The next morning, I wake up fairly early and decide to take a run down at the beach. It’s better to run in the mornings when it’s quieter and cooler; it helps me function, and it clears my mind.
My chest burns as I run down the seafront, earphones blasting music with my eyes set forward. I never realised how running in a beautiful setting like this would help calm the storm inside my head.
When I circle around and find myself slowing to a jog from where I started, I stop my watch and look down at the damage I’ve done. Yeah, I definitely needed this this morning.
My legs shake as I ease into a walk and catch my breath. I glance up at the beaming sun and shield my eyes for a moment. I turn back to the beach front, plucking out my earphones as the water crashes against the shore softly. A calm day. A day to refre?—
“JJ?”
My head whips to the sound of my name, only to find Daisy at the other end of it. Beside her is a massive golden retriever who is heading straight towards me.
The dog licks my arm and I grimace because I’m so incredibly sweaty. I dip my hand down and ruffle its head and scratch its ears as Daisy walks towards me in a tiny sundress.
“Hey,” I say politely.
Her blue eyes glitter at me, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She doesn’t bother to hide how she’s openly roaming her eyes over my sweaty body and arms. “Hey.” Her voice drops into a tone of seduction. “Went for a run?”
“Yeah.” I smile gently. “Who’s this?”
“Rufus.” She grins and strokes his back. “He’s such a good boy.”
His tongue hangs out as he looks up at me and I have to give it to him, he’s fucking adorable. “He’s sweet,” I say, stroking his soft, velvet-like fur again.
Daisy sways from foot to foot in front of me, but I keep my eyes on her dog. She clears her throat to get my attention, and I glance up at her slowly. My gaze flicks to her hand as she twirls a piece of hair around her finger and flutters her eyelashes not so subtly.
“You look so good right now,” she says with a glint of playfulness in her tone.
My hand raises to scratch the back of my head. “Bit sweaty,” I laugh.
“Hey.” She leans forward and grabs onto my bicep suddenly, my eyes gravitating to the action. “So I was wondering, we should go do something soon. Like just the two of us, we could?—”
“Daisy—”
“—go for a walk or go for dinner, then maybe we could go somewhere a bit quieter and?—”
“Daisy—”
“—I don’t know… have a bit of fun.”
I suck down a breath because this can’t keep going on, I have to end this now before it gets messy and out of control. She deserves to know the truth, she shouldn’t be parading around after me like a cheerleader.
“What?” She blinks.
I lower my head to the ground as I attempt to bring together my thoughts without making them seem rude or blunt.
“You’re a great girl, Daisy,” I say, and her eyes light up at my words. “But I don’t like you like that. I’m sorry if I led you on, but this isn’t going to work out. We’re different people.”
