“Copy me,” I tell her again and focus on my breathing, keeping my gaze on hers.
She attempts at first, and I squeeze her fingers in encouragement. Tears continue to leak from her eyes, and seeing her this distressed makes me feel like a shattered man.
“That’s it,” I say supportively. “Now breathe out for a bit longer, until there is no air left in your lungs.”
I watch as she swallows at my words. She attempts a nod, but she stops. Her eyes fixate on mine, and then my nose and my lips, trying to keep in control. I can still hear her quiet sobs, but her breathing is much calmer.
After a moment, she tugs her hand away from mine and shakes out her fingers, turning away from me slightly with that tortured expression again. I reach out for her, but I don’t touch her, not when I don’t know where her head is at.
She raises a hand to wipe her cheek and across her lips. “No one’s ever going to let me forget.” Her voice cracks as she continues to cry quietly.
My brows push together at her words. “Forget what?”
“I’m—” her chest rises quickly again, and I fear she’ll bring herself back into a panic. “I’m always going to be reminded. People are always going to remind me.”
I step closer and watch her with concern. “Of what, Ivy?”
At this point, I’m desperate. I’m desperate for her to open up to me and tell me everything that is on her mind, everything that has her up at night. Because Iwantto know.
Ivy turns and then turns again, eyes tired and body limp. She shakes her head, lowering it to the ground. “I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. I can’t.”
“Ivy—”
Her sobs become louder. They cut through my heart like a shard of glass.
A sound Ineverwant to hear again in my life.
She steps towards me, collapsing into my chest completely. I wrap my arms around her in an instant, her cheek pressed against the centre of my sternum. My hand clasps the back of her head gently, cradling it like a baby.
Her fingers latch onto the back of my T-shirt, gripping on for dear life. The sound that rips from her chest vibrates through my entire body, and I close my eyes to shut it out, but I can’t. Instead, I focus on the feel of her body, swaying us ever so gently as I lower my forehead to touch the crown of her own.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’ve got you.”
Ivy’s cries begin to quieten after a few moments, keeping her as close as I can. I feel her fingers begin to ease their tightness on the back of my top, but she doesn’t move away; she presses her head further into my chest instead.
I press a kiss to her hair again and listen as she exhales a little sigh, one of exhaustion.
The pain that she’s been through, it’s something I’ve never seen before.
And knowing something happened to her… something happened to her, and she’s not the same person anymore. They’ve taken it from her, ripped it from her, and left her with nothing but a shell of a body, and I can’t stand the thought.
I slide my hand from the back of her head and pull her back slowly. “Ivy,” I say as I catch a glimpse of her face. Swollen eyes and red-stained cheeks.
She glances away, using her hair to hide her face. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Her eyes stay focused on the floor and I take her hand again, running my thumb across her knuckles soothingly. Slowly, she glances up at me, still shuddering through a breath. The tears have stopped, but I know she’s still hurting.
“Come sit with me for a minute.” I gesture my head towards the sofa.
Ivy’s eyes glimmer for a second. “I don’t want to disrupt your alone time.”
I frown at her. “You’re not interrupting anything,” I assure her. “Please? I want you to sit with me.”
She nods once, and I tug her hand gently to the sofa where the episode of my medieval program is still playing. I feel her perch beside me, but not close enough to touch.
“Have you seen this before?” I ask.
