When I wake up the next morning, I take a quick shower and slide on my underwear. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and for once, I can’t drag my eyes away. The redness of my scar is darker than usual from the temperature of the shower, and I find myself sinking into my heels.
It’s not just one scar, but multiple across my body that are less noticeable. My lips slant to the side as I analyse my body, grazing my fingers across my skin.
Sighing heavily, my eyes droop at the sight. I haven’t felt myself in a long time, no matter how hard I try to mask it. Smiling through it is the only option I have left.
It reminds me of the pain and the fear I endured when I woke up in the hospital, when my body changed forever. When all I want to do is look at my body and not despise what I see.
As I throw on some clothes and head downstairs to grab some breakfast, I find JJ in the kitchen. He hasn’t noticed me yet, but he’s sitting on one of the stools. His hands are together in front of him, and he’s looking directly at the countertop.
I walk to the fridge, my senses immediately heightened as I feel his eyes on the back of my head.
“Morning,” he calls out a little gruffly, as if he woke up not too long ago.
My head whips over my shoulder, and I smile softly. “Hey.”
JJ is devastating in the mornings. He’s devastating all the time, but today he looks particularly good with a white T-shirt clinging to his chest and carving his biceps like marble.
“Ivy,” he strains. “Can we talk about what happened the night we met?”
I blink in surprise, my throat tensing. “Why?”
There is no need to bring it up. What’s done is done. We can’t change it.
“Because I want to know why you left. Did I do something wrong?”
My brows furrow. “No. You did nothing wrong.”
Everything he did was right. So fucking right.
JJ takes a breath of relief. “Then why did you leave without saying anything?”
“Because it was just easier.” I sink my teeth into my bottom lip.
“Easier?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
My hands throw up in defeat. “Because there was no point in hanging around when we both go to university. We both wanted a distraction, and we got it.”
JJ’s brows raise. “Oh, I was just a distraction?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I shake my head. “I just didn’t want you to wake up, see me and realise you made a big mista?—”
The stairs creak loudly, and I shut my lips when I hear Finn say, “Morning, fuckers.”
Oh, the irony in that statement.
“Morning,” I call out to Finn and glance back to the fridge.
Finn steps to my side as I pull out the tub of butter, and I turn back to the counter to find JJ’s eyes already on mine like magnets. They’re practically pleading—pleadingthat this conversation isn’t over, and I hate what it does to my stomach.
I take a breath because looking at him makes me question my entire existence.
JJ has been going out with Daisy. He took her on a date. You don’t take someone on a date that you’re not even remotely interested in, and I get it, Daisy is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.
Finn starts telling JJ about their plans for the day, and I drown them out by cooking breakfast. I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes again, so I keep them low, even though I can feel his gaze burn into the side of my head like a pair of lasers.
