His arm wraps around my waist. I attempt to catch my breath before I set myself off. I’m not falling down this rabbit hole again.
“Stop it,” I say through gritted teeth.
JJ cups my face and I study his blue eyes, forcing them to bring me back to reality. “Breathe,” he instructs me, and I do as he says. “Breathe. Slowly.”
I shift my watery eyes up to find Finn staring at us with a look on his face that I’ve never seen before. He’s not angry or disgusted—he looks dishevelled. His eyes are low and lids are hooded. There is something in the way that he blinks that makes me see a different side to his emotions.
“I trod on eggshells around you, Finn,” I croak. “And I’m done putting your feelings before my own. This is what I want. JJ makes me happy, and if you can’t see that, then I’m done with this. I’m done with you.”
JJ buries his hand in the back of my hair and makes me look at him. He searches my face and wipes my tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “No. I hate this. I hate?—”
My body trembles again, and JJ clutches me to him. “Easy,” he whispers. “Take a breath, Ivy. Take a breath.”
My lips part, and I take in air and exhale once my lungs are full.
With JJ’s arms firmly around me, I remind myself that I’m okay.
“Ivy—” Finn’s voice is calmer now.
JJ stiffens behind me. “Finn, if you say another fucking word.”
“I’m sorry.” He trembles, shaking his head towards me. “I didn’t mean to set you off.”
“I think we need to leave this alone for today,” JJ states, his fingers massaging the back of my neck delicately. “Emotions are too high right now, and we all need a night to sleep on everything.”
Finn drifts his eyes between us and focuses on our entwined hands that are wrapped around my stomach, then to the hand that’s in the back of my hair, soothing me.
“Fine,” he agrees.
Then he tears his gaze away from us and slowly walks upstairs. I sigh and droop back into JJ’s warm embrace. He drops his hand from the back of my head and caresses my arm gently.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’ll sit here with you for however long you need. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes sting, hating how emotional I am right now. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would magically figure itself out. The last thing I want is this pain and guilt that looms over my head like a dark cloud of shame.
But we shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to be with each other.
Especially when I know it’s right.
“I want to go to bed,” I admit.
“Okay.”
Without hesitation, he bends down and lifts me up. My legs sweep off the floor and wrap around his waist, my hands winding around his neck. I practically collapse into him, exhausted.
As soon as he starts moving, I cling onto him, but I already know that he’s got me.He’s always got me.We reach the stairs, and he climbs us to the top before opening my bedroom door and carrying us inside.
He kicks off his shoes before dropping us onto my bed softly. I bury my head into his neck, wanting to forget the entire day.
I pull my head back slowly and glance up at him through my swollen eyes. “I feel awful for doing this when he just left rehab, but what I said is true. You told me to claim back my life, and I am. This is what I want, and I’m taking it for myself. I’m done with putting others’ happiness before my own.”
“Ivy.” He strokes my cheek, staring at me in awe. “I am so proud of you.”
“I’m over worrying about what he thinks, because I know this is right. Being with you feels right,” I whisper. “And I don’t want anything else.”
He kisses my temple.
