I snort and lick the crumbs from my fingers. Those crumpets didn’t even touch the sides, I need at least three packs of them to fill me up. “We won’t be seeing each other again.”
“Why?”
“Because I snuck out of his apartment this morning without saying anything. We didn’t swap numbers. It’s better this way.”
Erin is so quiet, I think the line has gone dead. “You didn’t get his number?”
“No. I didn’t.”
“Why on earth wouldn’t you get his number?”
I close my eyes. “It’s not going to work, Erin. You know I’m going home for the summer, and I’m not sure if I’m coming back.”
It’s taken me almost two and a half years to pluck up the courage to visit home. Especially after what happened.
Erin groans. “Don’t remind me,” she whimpers. “What am I going to do without you?”
“You’ll do just fine,” I reassure her. “You have art school coming up, and you’d barely have time for me anyway.”
“Oh, shut up,” she huffs. “How are you feeling about going back home?”
I open my mouth to speak, only to shut it again because I’ve been deflecting the answer for weeks. I want to be confident in my feelings, but I don’t know what it’s going to be like after these last few years.
“Not sure,” I admit. “Hopefully it can just be a clean slate and a fresh start. Push out all the bad memories. It’s my hometown, I grew up there. It holds such a special place in my heart, and I don’t want to resent it.”
“You’re strong, Ivy.”
I wish I thought the same.
“Do you think you’ll see Ben?”
For a moment, I hesitate at the mention of his name. I wish I could say that I’m numb to it, but I’m not. The memory of him lingers no matter how many therapy sessions I’ve gone to.
I clear my throat. “He’s still meant to be in prison.”
I haven’t heard anything about his release, but he doesn’t deserve to get out for the rest of his life. We all know what the justice system is like. You can commit a heinous crime and still get out for good behaviour. It churns my stomach.
“Well, let’s hope he’s rotting away in a jail cell and doesn’t plan on getting out soon. He doesn’t get to have this hold over you anymore.”
My eyes shut tightly. “I know he doesn’t.”
“You deserve happiness.”
I’d like to think so, too.
And as much as the thought of going home scares me, I’m trying to be optimistic. I haven’t seen my brother, my friends, or even that beautiful sandy beach in what feels like forever. I’ve missed everything more than I realise.
“Thanks, Erin.”
“Don’t forget about me, whatever you do.”
I release a slow chuckle. I could never forget Erin, even if I wanted to. If only she hadn’t thrown her drink over some guy who was being a little too friendly to me at the bar we met at two years ago. A friendship was born out of instant loyalty.
“Well, come see me before you leave, yeah?”
I hum and sit up, leaning over the coffee table to look down at my phone. “Of course. I’m going on Tuesday. I still have some things to take care of at the flat and with my landlord.”
“Okay, swing by tomorrow?”
