I know Finn didn’t handle the accident well, especially after the rumours went around about me cheating on him. He thought it was his fault because I met Ben through Finn. But when I think about being with JJ, technically, I met him before I even knew they were friends.
JJ is different. There is something about him that feels like home—and I haven’t felt at home in a long fucking time. It’s nostalgic and comforting, but I don’t see Finn trying to understand that.
I fear it’ll send him spiralling. He already took up drinking when I almost died, when he couldn’t shift the blame fromhimself. He’s still drinking now and refuses to accept that it’s an issue. How would he cope if he knew I was with his best friend?
It wouldn’t go down well at all. If anything, it’ll tear us all apart.
That’s what I’m afraid of the most.
I sit outside on the patio, sun cream smeared all over my face and arms as I scroll through my phone. A shadow is cast over my back, and I turn to find the culprit. “Hey,” Finn says as he sits beside me. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I sigh as I lock my phone and throw it onto the grass in front of us. “Why?”
Finn wraps his arms loosely around his knees, drawing them towards his chest. “Look, Ivy, I need to tell you something.”
My brows furrow, and I twist my body towards him, his green eyes flicking across the patio and onto the dark strands of grass.
“What is it?”
I know this look of my brother’s all too well. Whatever he’s about to say, it’s not good news. It’s never good news when he looks pained and lost for words. The man who never knows how to shut up, that’s when you know it’s bad.
“Spit it out,” I urge him.
My heart pounds angrily in my chest when his mouth parts, and I lean forward eagerly. He shuts his mouth again and then clears his throat. I brace myself for what he’s about to say.
“I found out that Ben is getting out of prison in two weeks.”
All the air in my lungs is stripped away, and Finn dips his head slightly to check that I’m okay.
“W-what?” I blubber.
“Yeah,” he sighs and runs a hand down the back of his head. “I heard about it this morning, checked around to see if it’s true. He’s being let out on good behaviour.”
My entire body begins to shudder, and Finn scoots closer. “He’s getting out.”
Finn slings an arm over my shoulder and tugs me to his side. “I’m sorry, Iv. But you still have that restraining order, he can’t come anywhere near you. I doubt he’ll come back here after what happened. So many people turned against him and his stupid family, who continued to support him. I just thought that you should know.”
“Right,” I rasp even though I’m deteriorating inside. “Thanks.”
He sighs, dropping his head to my shoulder. “I know this isn’t the news you want to hear, but I’m going to be here for you, alright? I’m going to be the brother I should have been.”
I pause at his words for a moment, and he raises his head. “What do you mean the brother you should have been?”
Finn shrugs but keeps his arm around me supportively. He tenses a little but relaxes a moment later. “I was a shit brother back then. I-I did things I’m not proud of.”
“Like what?”
He shakes his head. “I—” he pauses. “I should never have let you get with Ben.”
“He was good to me for the first part, and you know it, even you were shocked at how charming he could be.”
“Shit,” Finn curses and presses his hand to his face. “That’s not the point. I still wasn’t there for you. I wasn’t there for you when he hurt you. I wasn’t there for you when you almost died, Ivy. I should never have?—”
“Have what?”
Finn looks at me this time, and the guilt that rests behind his eyes is evident. “I shouldn’t have let you guys get together. I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
My heart cracks like a porcelain doll. I know Finn was upset about what happened, but I’ve never seen him… break down. I clutch onto his shoulder this time as he squeezes his eyes shut, a tear escaping one of them.
