Dad gasps, his voice filled with censure, “Helen, you can’t speak to people that way.”
I arch an eyebrow and direct my gaze toward Dad. My words are slow and measured, “Are you saying I should play nice with a man who cheated on me, and has been a pain in my ass ever since? He never misses an opportunity to be a complete asshole to me. He lives to be derogatory and I’m not going to simply roll over and take it. Not anymore.”
Kelly covers her mouth to hide her smile while both men gape at me like ridiculous guppies. I’m about to turn around and walk away, but then Thad scurries away and I figure now is as good a time as any to ensure Dad learns I won’t be shouldering his expectations anymore.
I square my shoulders and then breeze into my dad’s office without looking back. My heart is pounding hard against my sternum as I manage to convey confidence that feels fake, but I hope it looks convincing. Dad follows me but I have a feeling it’s because he doesn’t want to miss the chance to scold me.
Right on time, he hisses, “What the hell was that, Helen?”
I turn around slowly, not bothering to take a seat. My gut is telling me this visit won’t be useful or long. It’s such a shame he never truly saw how special Jessi and I are. We could have helped him heal after our mother walked out.
“Youweren’t the only one abandoned,” the words slip past my lips before I can think about the impact they’ll have and the ripples they will cause.
Dad freezes in place and he stares at me. Just stares at me. Shocking him gives me a thrill I fear that I’ll never get used to.
I clear my throat because if I’m in for a penny then I’m in for a pound. “I’m done making myself small and shouldering all your expectations to make you happy. I’m a grown ass woman. You can no longer tell me what to do or expect me to act a certain way just because you’re the mayor. You’ve always been a mayor first and a father second, but it should have been the other way around.”
Something crumbles in my father’s expression, and his shoulders falls as he shuffles toward his desk. By the time he sits in his chair, he’s cobbled together a little bit of bravado. But it’s weak at best.
“I taught you better than to speak to your elders like this,” his tone is stern, but here’s a tremor there he can’t quite hide.
My eyes close and I take a deep breath that I can only hope is cleansing. It isn’t.
“This isn’t about respect or anything else.” My eyes snap open and I look at my dad and see him clearly for the first time. He’s looking around like he wants to escape this conversation, but we’ve barely scratched the surface.
“I’ve moved in with Rhodes Wilder,” I blurt out the words like I’m ripping off the illusion of a band aid while knowing the scab will go with it.
“You did what?” Dad blinks at me a few times before shaking his head. “If you’re doing this to get back at me for something, then you need to grow up.”
My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. “I’m not doing a damn thing for any other reason than I wanted to. For my entire life, I thought that I had to devote my life to you and Jessi, that I was never going to beable to dream of more or something just for me. I’ve shrunk myself to make it easier for you, and I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“You’re being so dramatic,” he dismisses me with his voice and with a waved hand.
“No,” I bark out the word and Dad’s eyes snap to mine and I can see the genuine surprise on his face, “I’m not being dramatic. I’m not some little woman who should remember her place either.” I study the man in front of me. “If you’re not careful, you’ll lose any chance of being in my life. You won’t be in the life I build with Rhodes either.”
I can see the moment Dad realizes what I’m saying and what it truly means. His face pales slightly, but I can also see he’s not ready to let go of his pride or his ego.
What a shame.
I nod once and turn to leave Dad’s office. I throw back over my shoulder, “When you figure out that your office is not your home and realize everything you’re missing, let me know. Until then, don’t expect me to continue to pretend to be a happy family. Rhodes is my family. Jessi is my family. I’ll build a life with those who love me. Inclusion is not automatic just because of blood.”
My heart is pounding hard in my chest as I slip through the door. I lean my back against it for a moment and look up to find Kelly studying my carefully.
“You’re glowing,” she whispers the words like they’re sacred.
“I’m happy,” I counter because it’s true.
Kelly’s smile is luminous. She’s up and rushes toward me to pull me into a hug. Before I even know what is happening, she’s gently pushing me away from Dad’s office. “Then you go and be happy, Helen.” There’s a tone in her voice, urgent and pleading. “Just don’t forget to visit me now and again, even if you’re not seeing him. He might never figure out what it means to have two amazing daughters, but that’s his loss. Not yours,” her words are fierce.
“I know,” I whisper, “I’m learning how to not blame myself for it anymore. It was never my responsibility to hold it all together. I was just a child.”
Kelly breathes out, “Oh, honey. Seeing you like this is wonderful. You hold onto your man and never let him go.”
The smile on my face is huge. Because that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
I give Kelly a squeeze and then I walk out of the building and head straight to Sweetwater Valley to see my man at the station to surprise him. I was nervous before about being seen in town, but after dinner at The Goose, I feel a lot more comfortable with it and have explored a lot more.
Everyone has been nice. If the only reason that they’ve been kind to me is because Rhodes claimed me so publicly, I’ll take it. For now.
