I want to be.
But it’s also terrifying.
Sincethings imploded with Thad, which I know in my head wasn’t my fault at all, I haven’t been willing to put myself out there. It makes sense, but it doesn’t help me heal and move forward.
I’ve been shutting myself off from the idea of dating, of being vulnerable enough to get to know someone, so I haven’t even entertained the notion.
But then Rhodes showed up out of nowhere. And he kept showing up.
“You didn’t call me or even text.” My eyes widen in surprise as I realize what I just blurted out. But I don’t regret the words. They’re true.
Rhodes’s face falls slightly and he nods. He looks at me and everything in me hopes he doesn’t brush this off and make it seem like it doesn’t matter.
“I know, Sweetheart,” I can hear the remorse in his voice. “I’m sorry. Lyons called me with a lead which is why I was out there and doing my own recon and came across a certain someone who should not have been anywhere near there.”
The look he’s giving me can only be described as pointed. I can’t help but scrunch up my face and grimace slightly.
“So strange how we came across each other since I was just out for a hike,” my voice is all innocence.
But he’s not swayed. From the deadpan look on his face, he’s not buying even a smidgen of what I’m selling.
“Don’t get off track,” I admonish him and cross my arms across my chest.
If he believes I will be getting out of the car without this being resolved, he can think again. Although, as I eye him, I realize he could haul me out of my car without even trying.
It’s sexy as fuck.
And kind of annoying.
“I should have texted you, minimum. That’s on me.”
His words just sit there. Honest. Not making excuses or pushing for forgiveness or a bout of amnesia. He doesn’t push them or expect anything in return, no recognition or praise.
They simply are.
And I find I believe them in a way that makes me want to leap. It makes no sense, the way this man can look at me and make me feel grounded.
“I’m sorry,” his voice is soft with a roughness I can feel. “I’m not going to be someone who shows up in your life and then disappears.”
My heart clenches because that right there is my biggest fear. It feels like I’ve lost so much. The worst part is that I don’t even have the grace of memories when it comes to the biggest hole in my life.
I held my family, small and lifeless as it was, together for so long. I was my sister’s shield. I was my father’s conscience.
No one has been there for me, and I’ve never had someone who is mine. Just mine.
Could Rhodes be that person for me? What would life look like if I had someone at my back, someone whose purpose was to support me? Without judgement. Without conditions.
I want it so badly that I ache for it.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink them back.
“Don’t break my heart, Rhodes,” my words come out as a whisper.
His grey eyes soften and he nods slowly. Something shifts on his face, but it’s not burden; it’s pride in his responsibility, the mantle he welcomes with worship.
When his large hands cup my cheeks, the warmth of him sinks into me. I lean into his touch without even realizing it at first.
“I’m probably going to mess up from time to time,” he drawls. “I won’t clean up after myself, or I’ll forget something you reminded me about because too much of my mind is stuck on a case.”
