Tears prick at my eyes, fighting to get loose, as I think about what could ever push someone to that decision. How could a man who made a vow to my mom, a woman he at one point loved, who gave him children, could up and leave like that? And not just leave her, but us. His entire fucking family. He knew he’d never see us again. He’d never watch me and my sister graduate from high school. He’d never see me play football. He’d never get to hold his grandchildren.
But the scariest part of everything my mom admitted is that she doesn’t know why. If I knew why, then I could prevent myself from doing the same thing. But like she said, I’m the guy with the dazzling smile. What if I don’t know my why yet?
“I remember the first time one of your teachers talked about your smile,” Mom continues. “She said it lit up the room. Was a little mischievous. I smiled through her words, but it hurt knowing that your father was the reason for your smile. And he’d never see it for himself.”
“If it makes you feel better, this smile has got me out of a lot of potential trouble,” I say, trying to lighten the mood. “Your sanity should thank you.”
She laughs slightly. “Oh, I know it did. But that’s not why I bring it up, or to say that you better watch out for my grandson if he’s anything like his dad.”
“Then why did you?”
“Because, you haven’t lost your smile. If anything, it’s shining brighter than ever.”
I get what she’s saying—in theory—but I’m still a little confused. “When did Dad lose his smile?”
I hate asking this, knowing it’s probably bringing up a painful memory, but I have to know.
“The day I told him I was pregnant with your sister.”
And that proves my suspicion…
“We weren’t necessarily trying, but we weren’t preventing, either,” she says. “I was happy when we got the news. Surprised, but I was ready for something more in my life. I was working a retail job that didn’t mean much to me. Your dad had a job at one of the plants in town. It wasn’t much, but we made it work. We’d talked about having kids one day, so I was excited for this. Your dad, however…”
She pauses to take a breath, and I find myself now sitting in the middle of the nursery, clutching the football like it’s a lifeline as I wait for the rest.
“It was the last day I saw the sparkle in his eye, but even before then, it was slowly burning out,” I hear her push back a tear, and I hate that I can’t dive through the phone and hug the woman who’s given everything for me. “It came back for a second when we found out about you, and that you were a boy. But even the potential of you one day following in his football footsteps wasn’t enough to keep him around. He bounced from job to job. He never found his footing. And he never took to fatherhood. Though as the years have passed, I realized nothing was going to. He did what he had to do, and I’ve made peace with that.”
“I still don’t know how you did.”
“Some people aren’t meant to be on the paths that they start on. Your dad? He wasn’t cut out for family life. Me? I can’t imagine a better one than being you and your sister’s mom.”
Fuck… how am I supposed to stop the tears now?
“But am I like him? You were married. You talked about having kids and you thought he was on board. He was happy at one point. How do I know if I’m going to do what he did? That I’ll panic and flee?
“Because you’re ten times the man your dad was at your age, and most importantly, like I said, your smile has only gotten brighter since you and Gabi saw that pregnancy test.”
“Mom, you've seen me once since then.”
“But I saw his. I stared at his for years. Yours is the polar opposite. The way you looked that day? How your eyes sparkled when you looked at Gabi? Your reaction when you saw that blue filling? That’s a smile your dad never once had in his life.”
“Mom, I appreciate the words, but a smile can’t?—”
“Maddox Jacob Gallagher.”
Fuck. Full government name?
“What’s going to happen if one day Gabi comes home and says that the bakery has to shut down and she needs you to support her?”
I know this tone. This is her “I’ve asked you three times to take out the trash,” tone. I better start listening or else she’s going to make me fly back to Iowa andactuallytake out the trash.
“Then I do.”
“What do you do if your son takes after you and never wants to sleep and cries all night?”
“Gabi and I come up with a schedule and a system.”
“And what would you do if, God forbid, you have an injury? Football is done. How do you support your family?”
