“Listen, I don't care about her but I’m trying to be self-aware. If Cali had fucked my barber, I would feel some type of way.”
Rozalin pursed her lips. “I don't owe her anything except to press charges. I won’t feel bad for being with you, especially when my feelings are real.”
Rio gulped before standing. “I gotta go. I’ll holla at you later.”
“Wait,” she squeaked, hurrying over to him. “Are you going to come back?”
Rio didn’t want to lie to her but he was in no mood for her company tonight. He needed to be alone and get his mind right.
“I can’t say. You know my homie just got killed so shit is hectic right now.”
She nodded, taking a step back. “I understand. Well, call me.”
Tipping his head, Rio leaned in and kissed her forehead. Afterward, he left her apartment and headed to the spot so he could take his mind off Cali for the moment.
Irish didn’t know what sleep was anymore. Her mind wouldn’t shut off. It replayed the memories of her and Jovanis on a never-ending loop. Some recollections were endearing, inciting a smile on her face. Some were more haunting, remembering how deep their bond had gotten. Then, there were the memories that made her cry. Like when Jovanis had first bought their house. Before then, they lived in apartment buildings, sharing walls with neighbors that he constantly had to threaten. When he brought Irish and Ivory to their new home, they cried because they finally had a home to call their own.
The morgue had called earlier, notifying her that he would be transferred to the funeral home on Thursday. That spiked Irish’s anxiety. Her best friend being deceased was gut wrenching. Irish didn’t know how to digest that. On top of that, she would have to go clean their house out since her townhome was under contract.
Turning on her back, she gazed up at the coffered ceiling, exhaling a deep breath. Noble had taken her to his home and offered for Ivory to come. She was in his guest room while theywere tucked away in the master suite. Noble’s hand rested on her belly.
“You can’t sleep?” he asked.
She turned toward him. “You don't have to stay up with me. I know you're tired.”
Pulling her close to his warm frame, he kissed her cheek. Noble had been trying to be supportive during Irish’s grieving, and she appreciated him. Whenever she couldn’t sleep, he would stay up with her. Most times, he ended up falling asleep but she appreciated his efforts.
“I’m good as long as I’m with you. What you thinking about?”
She licked her dry lips. “I'm thinking about packing up the house and seeing Jovanis’ things. I’m scared of how I’ll react.”
“I’ll just hire a packing company to do it so you won’t. You don't need to take yourself through that.”
“Yeah, but I feel like I should do it.”
“I don't think so. You don't want to make your grief worse. It can set you back. I’ll just hire a packing company to do it.”
“Well, I at least need to be there. You know, show them where things should go, right?”
Noble sighed. “I guess… what else on your mind?”
“Jovanis’ being cremated. I wanted to honor his wishes but damn, burning his body feels so… I don't know… like not right.”
“His soul isn’t there anymore, Pumpkin. It’s just his corpse and if that’s what he wanted, then give it to him.”
Irish rolled her body to face him. “How can you support me like you do when you didn’t care for Jovanis? It has to be hard watching me cry over him.”
Caressing her exposed arm, he revealed, “I love you so I put my feelings aside to make sure you're good. You come first.”
“But you don't feel any type of way?”
“No, because I care more about how you're coping than what I feel about Jovanis. I didn’t fuck with him but part of that was my fault. I got with you knowing it would be a problem for him. So, I gotta bear some of the burden for our beef.”
Irish loved the way Noble put his thoughts together. He was so earnest when it came to how he viewed the problems in his life. His go-to was always to carry the blame. They didn’t make men like this anymore.
“What if I never get over this? What if you have to deal with me mourning his death for the rest of our lives?”
“I believe you will be able to cope. You're not going to be in this sad place forever. And don't think I’m excusing your pain because I know that shit hurt but time will make it easier to live with.”
