“Not for myself. Not yet. I have other priorities.”
“Lord Winstanley will be disappointed.”
“Perhaps, but I’m sure he will recover.”
Nathaniel shifted his feet. A strange, anguished look came over his face. His hands clenched into fists for a moment. The temperature dropped. Charlotte drew her arms aroundher abdomen, resting her fingers against the bare skin of her forearms.
When Nathaniel spoke next, his words were clipped, his voice terse.
“And what awaits you when you publish your notes? Have you thought about what your life will be like when you achieve your ambitions?”
Charlotte shrugged.
“I suppose that depends upon the reception of my book. I hope that people will enjoy it and clamor for more. Perhaps I will be invited to give lectures on the circuit. I might even receive funding to take my own expeditions and search for rare plants.”
As she said this, Nathaniel’s eyes twitched, and he took a huge step forward, closing the distance between them. The closer he got, the more uncertain Charlotte felt. Goosebumps prickled on her skin, and it was harder to breathe.
“Even after what happened to your parents? What if something should happen to you?”
“Why is that any concern of yours?” she asked with a challenging look.
“Because I—” he started, but cut himself off. He clamped his mouth shut and glared at Charlotte.
“Because you… what?” she asked.
Nathaniel tore his gaze away.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said bitterly. “I hope you are pleased that you have clarity for the future. I’m sure it will stand you in good stead, and you will have everything you ever wanted. Please send me a copy of your book. I will make sure I find a place for it in the library.”
“I would be honored to have my work as a part of your collection,” she said. “Just make sure that Brutus doesn’t gnaw on it.”
She smiled. The tension was alleviated for the moment, but it quickly returned. There was something potent in the air, as though the world was going to shift. Nathaniel’s eyes were filled with intent, but she also got the sense that he was holding back.
Lydia’s words echoed through her mind. If this were one of Lydia’s stories, then Nathaniel would probably profess his true feelings and maybe even propose to her.
But this wasn’t that kind of story.
Nathaniel had his duty, and she had hers. She could never be the kind of duchess he required, and he would never offer her the freedom she required. If only things were different…
She pulled her gaze away and dipped her head, fearing that if she continued looking at him, she would never be able to leave.
“I should go and pack for tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of the ball, Your Grace, and thank you for your hospitality. I suppose this is farewell. If I might offer some advice?”
“Please do,” he said, although he sounded sick.
“Be patient with Clara. She is an intelligent girl, and I am sure in time she will prove to be a formidable opponent in card games, but for now, she is still a child. She is more interested in fun, not rules.”
“I shall keep that in mind.”
Charlotte ghosted past him. The heat emanating from his body contrasted sharply with the evening chill. Her heart lurched. A lump appeared in her throat.
“Charlotte,” he said. She stopped in her tracks, her heart leaping.
“Yes, Your Grace?”
“Thank you for keeping my secret. I apologize once again for my impropriety.”
“Of course, Your Grace. You can rely on my discretion. Nobody ever needs to know what transpired between us.”
