“So you don’t think she will agree to marry him?” Nathaniel asked.
“I doubt it. Not until she gets her notes published. But stranger things have happened. I live in hope. I must remember to invite Lord Winstanley to the estate. Perhaps if they see each other again…” he trailed away in thought.
“I’m not sure you can force her to do anything,” Nathaniel said.
Edmund shrugged.
“No, but all I can do is try.”
“You two amuse me, talking about every wedding other than your own. I hope that my wedding gives you a sense of what you are missing. I’ve never felt so complete as when I met Mary. Itwas as though a part of me was missing all my life until I found her. She made me whole. I pray that you two find someone who makes you feel the same way.”
Nathaniel’s throat suddenly became incredibly dry, even when he took a long sip of his drink. There was a dull ache in his head, and he found it difficult to concentrate.
If Charlotte truly was that person for him, then he would have to remain incomplete for the rest of his life. He finished his drink and set his glass on the table.
“I’m afraid I must retire. There is much to be done before the wedding,” Nathaniel said, although really he just wanted to be alone with his thoughts.
Edmund and Alfred bid him farewell. He left the room to the sound of Edmund challenging Alfred to a game of cards. Nathaniel closed the door behind himself and took a moment to enjoy the quiet.
He then sought out Brutus and took him for a walk outside. The night air was cool; the sky clear and starry. The moon hung like a silver coin. The aroma was sweetly scented because of the flowers. Nathaniel breathed in deeply, feeling immediately calm.
Brutus walked alongside him, sniffing and exploring the plants.
“You see them multiple times a day, Brutus. Do you really expect to find anything new?” Nathaniel asked. Brutus looked up at him as though Nathaniel had just asked a stupid question.
Nathaniel walked slowly and gazed at the estate, thinking to himself that he had the power to walk through the gardens or the house at any time of day without an escort. He commanded a great fortune, and if he wanted anything, there was always a favor he could call upon. And yet there were so many things he couldn’t have.
He lingered below a certain window, looking up and seeing the candlelight flickering inside. Most of the estate was shrouded in darkness because of the late hour, but Charlotte was still awake. No doubt she was sitting at her desk, leafing through her notes, scribbling something here, sketching something there.
Brutus settled beside him and followed Nathaniel’s gaze.
“You will never know this kind of pain, Brutus. I could have everything in the world but her… How can I get her? She is an enigma I cannot solve. Even if I asked for her hand, I cannot be confident she would give it to me. Imagine being rejected by two women… I would soon be earning a reputation.”
He sighed and tore himself away from the window, returning to the house. He walked into the library and read for a while, although he barely acknowledged the words in front of him. His gaze kept flicking to the door, and he stiffened with every stray noise in the hope that it was Charlotte.
He wanted to see her again, alone, away from everyone else.
But she did not come to the library tonight, and when the tiredness became too much for his eyes, he closed the book and took himself to bed, left with lingering questions of what if…
Chapter Thirty-One
The estate was abuzz with excitement on the day of the wedding. Charlotte had risen bright and early. She, Agatha, Lydia, and Clara had all been together with Mary, helping her to get ready and getting ready themselves.
“It’s been too long since I’ve been to a wedding. Have I ever told you about Lord Tillbury’s wedding?” Agatha began and continued before anyone had the chance to respond to her question. “He was a romantic soul and had arranged for all these doves to be released at the ceremony. Unfortunately for him, the doves were ever so hungry, and the food was uncovered. The doves went straight for it. That’s the danger with having an outside wedding, you see.”
Mary smiled.
“Alfred is romantic, but in more of an understated way. There won’t be any doves today,” she said.
“Just Hector and Brutus,” Charlotte added.
“Are they not being kept in the house?” Lydia asked.
Mary frowned and shook her head.
“That would be cruel. They are as much a part of the family as anyone else.”
“How do you think Alfred is feeling?” Lydia asked.
