She considered knocking, but Jane was playing beautifully, and she did not want to interrupt, taking a moment to listen instead. Jane was awfully shy and preferred to have her nose in a book most of the time, but her love for music was something only her friends and family knew about.
She excelled at pianoforte as well, but confided in Penelope that she preferred to play the violin.
“It was much more difficult to learn, and so I feel as though it is more fulfilling whenever I play it. As though I have really, trulyearned each sound I hear. I feel that way about pianoforte as well but... this feels special,” Jane had told Penelope once.
Penelope had heard her play before, but in this moment, she could swear she had not heard anything more beautiful.
The song came to an end, and Jane exhaled, letting her arms drop from the posture they had held for quite a while. Penelope thought that was a good time to knock, and she did softly, her heart stuttering when she heard the rustling of Jane’s dress as she turned towards the door.
“Yes? Come in,” Jane called softly.
Penelope exhaled and pushed the door open, smiling a little as she walked in.”
“Good morning, Jane.”
Her friend’s expression darkened, and she turned away to set her violin down in its case, handling it quite delicately.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as she snapped the case shut.
Penelope stepped closer towards her, and she held out the basket of flowers.
“I brought you a gift –”
“Why? Are you trying to appease me like I am a goddess of some sort? Is that not who you claimed to be?”
Jane’s words were cutting, and Penelope could not keep herself from blurting out,
“I never claimed to be anything! I only – I’ll explain in a minute, if you’ll let me. But I want you to know that I meant no harm. I came to apologize and I did not want to come empty handed and you always say how much you like the flowers in our garden so I brought you some.”
She was panting at the end of her statement, and Jane regarded her warily, still looking upset.
“Why did you do it?” she asked quietly.
Penelope let out a breath, trying to keep herself from falling apart.
“I – I only wanted to help. You were so excited about Cecil courting you and I felt his intentions were not genuine. And I tried to tell you but you looked so happy... And then I overheard him saying that he was only looking for a marriage for convivence and it upset me because I knew you had thought his interest in you was real. I know that you liked him and I ruined things by getting involved –”
“What are you taking about?” Jane interrupted, looking confused. “I am not angry that you were the one who wrotethe letter or that you urged me to end my courtship with Cecil. I never really fancied him and although I did hope that if we were to go further with the courtship, then perhaps things might have been different. But I was disappointed that you did not think that you could trust me with your secret identity. Have I not been so forthcoming about my own secrets? Did I seem unreliable?”
Penelope shook her head, setting the basket on the floor and stepping closer to Jane, taking her hands in hers.
“No, no. Jane, that is not it at all. I just... I supposed I feared that people might think me foolish for judging the relationships of others as a spinster. I did not think of telling you or anyone because I'd hoped I would never have to. Aside from you, I have only ever sent two letters. I did not think that I had done enough to have amassed the popularity I did and I did not want others to think I had done it for self serving reasons. I only wished to save other women who were at risk of being ruined in one way or another by men who did not care for them at all. I am sorry I did not tell you. I just... never considered that I could.” Penelope said quietly.
Jane pouted, freeing one of her hands so she could wipe the single tear that had rolled down Penelope’s cheek.
“You silly little Pen. You can tell me anything, always. You do not need to fear being judged by me. I assure you; I am not upset in the slightest. Not even in the way things ended between Cecil and I, because I think you would have made a better match for him than I did.” She replied earnestly.
Penelope’s heart shuddered, overcome with devastation, and she shook her head.
“That is not true, Jane. He fancied you quite a bit and I believe you would have made a wonderful pair. I think... I think you should consider approaching him again on the subject of continuing your courtship. He is not... not as bad as I made him sound in my letter. He is genuine and kind and thoughtful. He really does want to settle down with a wife and if you are comfortable with a marriage of convivence, I think he would he an excellent choice –”
Penelope had scarcely completed her final sentence when Jane groaned in frustration, letting go of her hands.
“Stop! Just stop it, Penelope! Stop acting like this – thinking of others and their happiness and putting them above you. You are just as worthy of love and a good life as anyone else. Do not worry or fret over things that do not matter and be honest with me. I have seen you with Cecil. I have seen the way you look at him and I can tell why you sent me a letter. I promise I won’t hold it against you.” Jane said with a flurry of hand gestures that only made Penelope even more confused.
“Oh – oh no. I did not – that had nothing to do with it! I did not feel this way from the start, Jane. I really only wanted to protect you.” Penelope protested, feeling as though her heart was going to beat out of her chest.
“So, you admit it, then?” Jane grinned. “You admit that you do fancy him?”
