“You do not have to — imagine it, I mean. I am never going to leave you by yourself. Surely you know that,” Lionel said sternly.
Penelope was silent for a moment, then she turned to him with a smile that made her feel empty on the inside.
“I do. I know, Lionel, truly.”
Her brother was not convinced, which bothered Penelope because she never liked to give him any cause to worry. Lionel had always been so understanding towards her. He never hesitated to assure her whenever it seemed as though she had made a mistake in choosing to no longer actively search for a husband.
“Are you sure you are all right? Your expression tells me you have something on your mind,” he pushed gently.
Penelope inhaled deeply and managed to put on a brighter smile.
“You know I do not like such gatherings. It doesn’t take very long for social meetings to wear me out and after a morning of physical activity like the one we had; I really just needed some time to myself. Of course, your company is a welcome addition,” Penelope said earnestly.
Lionel nodded, the worry lines between his eyebrows smoothening out as they continued to roam the woods that surrounded the estate.
“I am glad that you are all right. You are all I have, Penelope. And so, it is natural for me to worry about you. I can’t help butfeel as though I’ve failed you. Perhaps if I’d made better business and personal connections, your debut would have gone better.” Lionel sighed after a few minutes.
Penelope turned to look at him immediately.
“That — none of that was your fault! It was my choice. I realized quickly that the marriage mart was not a place I wanted to be. There did not seem to be anything there for me, and so I decided my time was better served elsewhere. None of that had anything to do with you,” she emphasized with wide eyes.
Lionel nodded, his posture calm as he told her, voice placating.
“I understand. I really do. But I can’t help but feel as though enough wasn’t done for you. I thought Uncle Robert would’ve helped but… “
The mention of that name had Penelope’s fists tightening around the reins of her horse. A sickening feeling began to spread within her, and it was a struggle to keep her attention focused on Lionel’s words.
“He was meant to help and yet he did nothing while you were ill. I feel as though his offer of assistance was merely a ploy to leech off of us. I am thankful his stay only lasted a few months. I can’t imagine it would have been comfortable for me to dwell with him for an extended period of time. Something about him just felt really… odd. I never liked him,” Lionel said with a disturbed tone of voice.
“Neither did I,” were the only words Penelope was able to contribute on the subject.
Lionel dropped his head back with a sigh, staring up at the sky for a moment before he righted his posture once more, speaking gently.
“I’d thought… having someone — a relative so with us would help us lessen the gap left behind by our parents. Looking back, that was a rather foolish idea.”
“I do not think so,” Penelope told him softly. “We were children. We were so young and we needed a lot of support. It is a pity he could not offer us any, but we learned how to deal with it all in the end. You’ve become a wonderful viscount and I am sure mother and father are at peace knowing that my spoiled nature is a sign of how well you have taken care of me.”
Lionel laughed, a deep rumbling sound that always brought her immense comfort.
“Oh, certainly. I do hope they are proud of us. But more than anything, I miss them dearly. Especially now with our lives changing. We might not be directly affected, but things are much different now than they were two years ago. And I feel as though I need some guidance — expertise that would surely have,” Lionel admitted.
It was rare to see her brother looking so emotional. He was not a stiff, cold man by any means, but it was rare for him to admit that he was struggling with anything. Not when hewas constantly supporting Penelope in her own moments of weakness.
And not for the first time, Penelope felt saddened that her existence was a burden her brother would have to carry.
She understood what he meant when he said the presence of their parents would ease some concerns. After all, the love between her father and mother had greatly inspired her to want a deep romance of her own.
And she had believed such fairytale expectations could be met easily during her debut. Reality had set in quickly, its discipline swift and cruel, leaving her with a single choice.
Now and then, she wondered what her parents would say, how they would feel if they had been alive to witness her give up on finding a match.
And now that she had to help Cecil with his own needs for a wife, complicated emotions had plagued her nonstop.
“I think… we simply need to take it in stride. Much like we do everything else. That’s how we’ve survived thus far. It is how we will continue to progress with our lives.” Penelope said with strong conviction that did not match the uncertainty in her heart.
But that seemed to ease Lionel’s concerns because he grinned and pointed at her with a cocky smirk.
“I think, you’ll find dead sister, I raised you well.”
