“Nope.” My tone is curt.
“Good.”
I shake my head softly before climbing into the back of the car and settling next to Athena. She eyes me. I ignore her, resting my elbow on the window of the car, I dig my fingers into my cheek.
Idle chit chat fills the car and suddenly, I don’t want to be here. I don’t kick off, though. I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy my own silence.
I can feel her looking at me, no doubt wondering what is going through my mind. Annoyingly, I wish she could read it because she would know that all I am thinking about is her.
A rumble of a sigh passes through my lips as our car rolls to a halt. The driver slides the door open and I am first out, walking up towards Nobu. We always try to find one whenever we do our team meals. The crew are in there waiting for us already, but all I really want to do is sit at the bar and sink my sulk away with a few glasses of whiskey.
Cowan was right. She isn’t mine. We’re dirty little fakers. It’ll end in tears. One of us will fuck up.
My dad grabs me on the back of the shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I turn slightly and I see the concern that is on his face.
“All good?” He checks in on me as Anaïs hangs back with Nora and Athena.
“Yeah fine, just had a moment with Cowan.” I kick the toe of my trainers into the floor.
“When will you realise he does all of this just to get a rise out of you?” he says softly. “You react, you always have… you’re giving him what he wants.”
I sigh.
“I’ve been saying the same to you since you were in primary school. You always had kids going at you, but you never told them to stick it.” He laughs gently, dropping his hand from my shoulder. “Stop rising to him.”
It’s easy for him to say that. He isn’t like that. He is so laid back, well, I say that but then when he is angry, he sees red like me.
“I try, Dad, but then he bought Athena into it.”
He rolls his lips, sucking in a breath. “Course he did.” He laughs, shaking his head. “And you bit?”
“Fuck off.” I laugh loudly, my expression softening as my sulk lifts.
My blue eyes crease as I focus on her. She’s looking at me, a smile on her face as she listens to Nora and Anaïs.
“Come, let’s enjoy our evening.” He pats me on the back as Cowan joins us.
He side-eyes me and I flip him off. That’s about all I can manage. I am past socialising with him.
Dinner was amazing as always,but honestly, I am grateful to be in the back of the car and heading to the hotel. We’re up early tomorrow ready for our flight to Shanghai.
The pre-race week excitement is teasing me, but I need to get through briefing. They’re the worst thing for me. Briefing is boring as hell, and I have to sit and listen to Cowan drone on and on about the same shit.
Athena’s fingers creep onto my thigh, teasing circles over the denim. I know she’s trying to pull me out my head, but I am too fucking deep. Rolling my face towards her, my eyes dropto where her fingers are and my mouth tugs at the corner. She smiles back, and for just a moment, all feels right in the world.
We all get dropped back to the hotel Dad, Anaïs, and Nora sneak off to the bar. Cowan walks in a different direction on the phone and I, for one, am grateful to see the back of him. Athena curls her hand around my elbow, gently tugging me back as I try and step forward towards the lift.
“Hey, look…” Her voice breaks and I glance down at her, eyes burning into hers as I shake my head.
“Not tonight,” I whisper, one hand cautiously hovering over her hip. No one is around. I don’t have to pretend here, but something feels different, and I don’t want to push it.
“Okay.” Her fingers are linked together, face turned up to me.
“Stay with me tonight?” The words are out before my brain even gets a chance to play catch up.
She’s hesitant. I can see the conflict in her eyes, lips trembling ever so slightly as if something is on the tip of her tongue. It’s almost as though she’s fighting with her internal thoughts.
“Please.”I am practically begging, my fingers tracing down her arm before they lock around her wrist. “I’ll sleep on the sofa.” I am still trying to persuade her.
