“The problem, I think, is that without even realising, I have written this story of me and him. It’s flowing and it’s beautiful.” I sniff. “And it just reminds me that I am falling for every version of him. Real and fictional. The words are blurring and I am struggling to work out the difference between the two worlds I am living in,” I say, swallowing down the lump.
She gives me a sad look.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I whisper because I am about to bawl.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice tightens. “Have you spoken to him about how you feel?”
I shake my head, locking my eyes in my lap.
“Then maybe you should,” she suggests.
I refuse to look up at her. “He doesn’t want anything; he has told me that. He wants us to pretend until he has finished racing. He wants a career; he doesn’t want a relationship or a life outside of racing.”
“That’s sad.” She gives a disapproving look.
“It is, but that’s on him,” I admit, swiping a stray tear away. “I’m not going to stick around to get hurt. I’ll continue until the first draft of my book is done, then, I’m going home.”
I wait for her to fight it, but she doesn’t. She reaches her hand across and gives my fingers a squeeze.
Pullingup to the apartment block, Nora meets us in the lobby, and Alexandre follows with Edel’s luggage.
“You must be Edel. It’s so lovely to meet you.” Nora kisses her on both her cheeks.
“And you must be Nora.” She smiles as they break away. “Thank you for taking such good care of my Athena.” She beams and Nora smiles back.
“She’s a babe.” I catch Nora’s wink and feel my cheeks turn pink. “But it’s Royce that has been taking care of her, more than me, anyway.”
I ignore the nausea that rolls in my stomach.
“Let’s go up to your apartment, shall we?” She pushes a smile onto her face and I follow.
“I need to get my bits from Royce’s,” I say quietly as we walk towards the lift.
“No problem, let me show you where your place is, then you and Edel can go and get your stuff.”
I don’t say anything.
“Royce is in briefing, then practice. He won’t be back until later this afternoon,” she reassures me.
“Okay.” Relief swarms me. I don’t know how I feel about standing in a room with him by myself at the moment. I don’t think I could trust myself.
“You all set for your signing at Rue’s?” Nora changes the conversation swiftly as we step into the lift.
“I think so. I mean, whether anyone turns up or not is another thing, but it’s a nice idea and I am eternally grateful.”
She gives a knowing nod. “Oh.” She clicks her fingers as if she has just remembered something. “I couldn’t get a garage pass for Edel.” A grimace look takes over her face. “I’ve no idea what happened, but they’re asking for them for this race.”
“No problem, we can go elsewhere.” I just about manage to squeeze the words out, my mouth dry.
He doesn’t want me there.
“Are you sure? I feel terrible.” She shakes her head in disappointment.
“Yeah, of course,” I say, but my voice goes all squeaky.
“You can go into the VIP box above the pits. It may be better to write there anyway.” She winks at me just as the doors open.
“Yeah,” I mumble behind her.
