“That’s exactly what I am trying to say,” he smiles. “We love you. We all know we love you, each in our own way, each with our own capacities and abilities. And no two of us are going to be thesame in how that feels, but we all mean it. I know we do. I know when we found you gone, the first thing all three of us wanted to do was find you at any cost. And when I had to shoot Leo…” He pauses.
“When I had to shoot Leo, there was a small part of me that was glad he’d be slowed down because I wanted to get to you first,” he says. “I’m not proud of that, but it is true.”
“I… don’t know what to say about that. Kind of thought you were the goofy sweet one.”
“That was Teddy. He was the best of us. And he’s in heaven now because of it. I hope he’s being rewarded. I hope he’s with our parents and they’re all having the best fucking time. One day, the rest of us will follow and join them. But not any time soon, because us three? The ones of us who are left on this fucking rock? We’re not going to be hunted like animals for long. I know it feels like we’re running and hiding, but if you ever saw a trapdoor spider operate, you’d know that not everything that hides is prey.”
Aiden
I shouldn’t be listening into their conversations. They should be private. But when I hear Ella cry, I can’t help but pay attention. I am standing at the door, their voices coming through quite clearly.
I don’t give Luke enough credit, I realize. He’s always come across as something of a jacked-up jock, too jovial and too superficial to have a real understanding of how all of this works.But listening to him now, I am beginning to see how much I have underestimated him. When he delved into his addiction, I further discounted him. Now, though, I am understanding that it was sensitivity that led him there. He feels everything so deeply, but he’s never been in a position to express it the way Teddy did.
Theodore was the baby of the family. When our parents died, he became my baby. I was made a father in the moment of their loss, and the fact that I will never see his smiling face again, and the knowledge that all the darkness in me could not stop the darkness of the world from claiming him will always rankle.
But he was not the only one of us who had that sweetness, or who should have been allowed to express love freely. Each of us has been twisted by the loss of our parents in a different way, and each of us has found native ways to compensate. But it’s time for a new way of things. If Luke can express himself so eloquently, and if Leo can soften, then I can deal with Eric fucking Red.
CHAPTER 21
Ella
Aiden is gone, and that means the pressure in the bunker is relieved. The man has an energy that charges a place, no doubt about that.
“Get dressed,” Luke says, smacking my ass hard enough to make me yelp as I lie on the couch, reading an old book for the umpteenth time. “We’re going out!”
“We’re allowed to go out?” I sit up, rubbing my rear. “Or is Aiden going to be pissed about this?”
“Leo needs to see a doctor, and I’m driving him, so you are coming,” he says.
“Is he okay?”
“It’s a routine appointment,” Leo says, stepping out of his room. He looks almost normal, wearing a cardigan sweater that buttons down the front so he can take it off easily.
From time to time, I stare at these men and just fucking marvel at how hot they are. Leo is looking better than ever. A beard is starting to come in on his face. I’d call the color a deep caramel. It makes him look distinguished.
I feel a little pulse of arousal down low in my belly, but of course I do not act on it. Instead, I go and get dressed as best I can. This bunker was built for the family. It doesn’t have much in the way of girl clothes. A few have been brought for me, but still. I want to go shopping very badly.
“Can we go shopping? I mean, can I buy some things while Leo is seeing the doctor? I’ve been wearing the same two pairs of underwear for what feels like weeks now.”
“Aiden wouldn’t like it,” Luke says. “But I don’t see the harm. Just don’t get kidnapped for a third time.”
“I’ll try not to get snatched up in the lingerie section of the department store,” I deadpan, grinning. I am excited! The simple act of going out feels like rebellion. I wonder if Aiden really does know that we are leaving the bunker without him.
“I never thought I’d miss traffic,” I say, sighing out the window as we crawl through city stop/start jams.
“I know what you mean,” Luke chuckles. “It feels damn good just to be part of the world again.”
“Do we really have to go back?”
“Don’t start wheedling already,” Leo says warningly. “If you start pouting on the rare outings we can take, you’ll miss out on them altogether.”
“You don’t have to lecture me like a spoiled kid,” I frown. “I was just asking if maybe we could have a little more normality so I don’t go fucking insane. Sorry for asking!”
“Less of the attitude,” Leo says. “Or I will have Luke thrash you for me.”
I know the threat is genuine, so I don’t push it. I am already the only entertainment in a confined space with two men who are lustful as hell. If I get them started whipping me, god knows when that will end. The thought is somewhat delicious, but I can’t give into it because I want to stay out. I want to have access to freedom and to the world. Being locked away is an awful thing.
So I fall silent, and I hope that pretending to be good is the same as actually being good. It may as well be.
