“Maybe later, darlin’.” I pinched her chin and winked.
“I look forward to it, G.” She stole a quick kiss then scurried away.
Truth be told, I had always liked to make Letty choke on my cock. Her sensitive gag reflex was quite arousing. But when I tried to have sex for the first time since the accident, my dick wouldn’t get hard. Nothing she had done turned me on. It was like I was dead inside.
El Jefe guzzled his beer, eyeing me. If I had to guess, Silvia told him about my meltdown after he and the crew left.
“Go ahead. Rip me a new one.” I braced myself for Jefe’s yelling.
“I don’t get you, man.” He crossed his arms on the counter and lowered to be at my level. “Ranting about me with my wife in earshot is inexcusable. If you have a problem with how I run this club, fucking talk to me!” His voice boomed, rattling the roof.
“You have no clue what it’s like being broken like me. It’s so easy to bark orders and move on to the next issue.” I yelled at him and got off the barstool. “You fucking insulted me today!”
“How? How did I insult you? I left you to protect my wife and baby son. Nothing was more important than them.”
“I don’t want to be a babysitter! After everything I’ve been through, I felt ready to ride with my brothers. But no. You demoted me and made me your personal babysitter.”
Jefe shook his head. “It wasn’t like that.”
“No? You didn’t think, GQ isn’t ready to ride? He’ll just hold us back. Better to keep him home.” My heart was racing behind my ribs. I never talked to my president this way, but at this point, I didn’t give a fuck. If he couldn’t trust me, then why in the fuck should I stick around?
“I guess I did think you aren’t ready to ride. We almost lost you. You could have died that day.”
“I wish I had died!” The truth flew out of my mouth, and I didn’t try to stop it. “Then I wouldn’t be a miserable fuck.”
“You’d rather be dead?” Jefe blinked as if he couldn’t believe what I’d said.
“Yes.”
Jefe’s jaw twitched as he came out from behind the bar and stalked toward me. “Don’t ever say that again.” He embraced me and squeezed. “We need you, brother.”
Emotion threatened to choke me. I closed my eyes to trap my tears.
Yelling came from the direction of the kitchen. Jefe and I pulled apart.
“I better go check on Slay. He’s out of his mind right now,” Jefe said.
“Understandable.” If I had a woman who’d been drugged by a Russian running a sex trafficking business under the guise of a mail order bride, I’d be raging.
“We good?” Jefe asked.
“Yeah. I appreciate you, brother.”
He pinned me in place with an intense stare. “If you ever think about taking your own life, tell me. I will get you the help you need. Don’t let your pride get in the way. You have a lot of life ahead of you to live.”
“I will.” I almost mentioned my ED but decided not to. That was more personal than I wanted to get with him. Besides, it wasn’t the right time.
“Where in the hell is the nurse?” Slay shouted at the entrance of the bar. “I’m going to bust Hector’s ass. She should have been here by now.”
“Go be with Cass. I’ll check into it,” Jefe told him.
“Fine.” Slay stormed away.
Jefe gripped my shoulder. “We’ll talk later.”
“I’m feeling better.”
“We. Will. Talk. Later.” He emphasized each order as he left in a tone that meant I had no choice. Whatever. Maybe he’d forget about this incident. The shit with the Russians was more important than me and my issues.
