Everything fades into darkness.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Liza
After my husband died, I never thought I would find that kind of happiness ever again.My grief didn’t just threaten to swallow me, it made me forget my purpose, who I was, and what the point of living was without him.He had been my one and only.
Slowly, my children pulled me out of that darkness and into the light.No child should bear that responsibility.Now I live with guilt because I abandoned my children to grief.I let it take me from them.I let it blind me from the love I so fiercely feel for them.So despite their age, I will spend the rest of my life loving and doting on them.It won’t fix or make up for that lost time, but I will never give up trying.
Now my children fill my life with happiness I thought got buried with my husband.They fill that void that I once let envelop me in shadows.I will go to war to keep that, to keep them happy.It’s days like today that remind me of so much I could have missed out on had I not been pulled out of the empty space.I have grandchildren, and the little miss fate brought into our lives.Milly is a force and reminds me so much of how the triplets were at her age.Full of energy, a driven need to learn, a morbid sense of humour, and seeming older than her years.Just like my boys had been.And just like them, she tries to hide how much she feels inside, how vulnerable certain things make her feel, but I see them.I see them so much it’s like a beacon beaming for help.
She scoops up the grains into Bella’s bucket before letting out a heavy sigh.She walks over to the stall, stepping onto the wooden step I kept from when my children were little, so she can reach Bella’s muzzle.“You can’t tip this bucket over, Miss Bella, otherwise you’ll go hungry.”
I run my hand over Bella’s mane with a smile.“I think she’s learnt her lesson,” I assure Milly as I hook the bucket to the stable wall.
“l’m hungry,” Milly whines, which brings a brighter smile to my face.I would be offended or panicked had a child complained about being hungry in my care.If the child had been anyone else that is.But Milly is much like the family that has merged into ours, and has a bottomless stomach.She’s not long had leftovers from the night before.She’s still wearing half of the spaghetti bolognaise I heated up earlier on her face and T-shirt.
I pat the back of my jeans, feeling for my phone.When I don’t locate it, I groan, remembering I left it inside.“My phone is inside.Why don’t we see if Summer has your clothes?You can change, and then we can visit the bed and breakfast and see if they have any snacks.”
When I called Malia earlier, there had been no answer so I called Summer instead.Milly had not only got food down her, but when we were cleaning out the pigs, she slipped into the mud, which is how I managed to get some in my hair, and on my neck and jeans.It also didn’t help that the heavens opened before we could escape into the barn.
I take her hand as we make our way back into the house, grateful only light drops of rain fall.It’s not far so it doesn’t take us long.I slide off my boots once we’re in the mud room and I smile when Milly struggles to copy the way I did it.“Here, let me help,” I offer quietly.
She sits on the bench that runs along the wall whilst I slide the wellington boots off.The bench holds shoes underneath which has come in handy over the years.The minute we are done, and we walk into the pantry, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, so I pull us back into the mud room.
The one advantage about living in a home most of your life is that you know every sound.You feel it when one of your children is not where they are supposed to be.You hear it if they sneak out.You know if something has been taken or been moved in the wrong spot.You justknow.This time, it’s not just a knowing.I can feel it.I can feel it so much; my hands begin to shake.
I want to sneak out of the back, hide amongst the animals or on the land I could walk around blind on.But the second I scan outside through the glass pane in the door—which is barely concealed by the net—I see movement behind the barn.Two somethings if the shadows aren’t messing with me.
Bella wasn’t acting up.
She was warning us we aren’t alone.
I kneel down, pressing my fingers to Milly’s lips in case she decides to talk.“I need you to be quiet for me, okay?”She nods as I quickly lock the back door, already picking up on my anxiety.“When we get to the kitchen, I want you to take the back stairs and go hide in any of the rooms upstairs.No matter what you hear, you do not come out.You do not come out for anyone other than me, your sisters, or if you one hundred percent know it’s one of my sons.”
She nods again, her eyes wide as her entire body trembles.“I am good at hide and go seek.”
