CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Lily
Awarm, humid breezewhistles through the house, eerie and ghostly.A thunderstorm is on the horizon, the mottle sky outside dull and grey.I would welcome a storm if it meant the temperatures would drop.
The moist air has done nothing to help Rose, who unfortunately woke up teething.She hasn’t settled all day.Not until now at least.I lay her down in her cot, running my finger softly over the slight rash that is covering her red cheek.The pain has gotten worse over the past few hours, leading me to make the choice to bring her home instead of taking her to the baby group we attend every Wednesday afternoon.When I left Mum’s earlier, I thought the walk outside would help Rose, but I feel like being outside in the stuffy air has made her worse.
Thankful she’s finally napping, I take a step back from the cot.Seeing her in pain or any discomfort is the worst feeling in the world.
I flick on the night light due to the heavy, gloomy skies outside before leaving the room, keeping the door open a notch.
I pull out my phone, biting my lip as I stare at Jaxon’s name.He has so much going on at work, things I can’t help with, things I’m not mentally capable of helping him with.I desperately want to be the wife who can help him.Mum could help Dad.My aunts could help my uncles.I want to be like them.The one who can take those demons and make them go away, just like he has done for me.
He’s no closer to finding the man who has made their life hell any more than he was weeks ago.It’s eating at him.He barely eats or sleeps anymore.I feel him leave our bed in the middle of the night to go pace the floor downstairs.At first, I would follow.But my being there only caused more stress.I could feel it in my heart.It hurts so much that I can’t help him.I can only stand powerless at his side, utterly useless.I envy the strength he has.He wakes up each day, ready for whatever life will throw at him next, despite what is going on inside his mind.
I can take care of our daughter though.I can give him one less thing to worry over.
I bite my lip, sitting on the top step of our stairs, my finger hovering over his name, my heart torn.If I keep this from him now, it will just make him worry tomorrow, wondering what else I’m keeping from him.It’s not like I can keep Rose teething from him.He will see it when he comes home later.I don’t want him to be troubled because of us.I want us to be a place he’s thinking of for the right reasons.I want our home to be his safe haven, the place he can just be, the place he can relax.Keeping this from him might help him today but it will make it worse in the long run.
Making the right choice, I hit call.I need to let him know we are home early too.I definitely won’t lie to him when he asks why.
“Hey, angel,” he greets warmly.“How’s your day going?”
I can hear one of their trucks reversing, but the beeping gets quieter and quieter, which means he’s moved away from everyone.
“I’m sorry.Is now not a good time?I can hear the vans.”
“You’re good, baby.Hearing your voice has made today so much better.One of the temps dropped a box of cutlery.How is the baby class going?It’s the sensory one today, right?”
My stomach twists because I’m about to give him sad news.“We didn’t make it to the class.”
“What happened?Are you still with your mum?”he questions, his voice deepening.
I hate the concern in his tone, knowing he will have tensed.“We’re at home.Rose has been in distress all day.She woke up with flushed cheeks and felt a bit warm.She’s teething again so I didn’t call the doctors.When I got to Mum’s, I hoped the teething gel would have kicked in, but it didn’t.Rose has been miserable.I finally got her to sleep when we got home.It’s bothering her more this time.”
“I’ll just finish up with this and then I’ll come home.We’re nearly done anyway.”
“I have her,” I assure him softly.“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.I didn’t want you to drop everything when I know you have so much work to catch up on.”
After Isaac’s accident, Jaxon and Wyatt made the decision to put a hold on jobs that weren’t urgent, making sure what work was left wouldn’t overwhelm the rest of his team.
“I know you do, baby.And it doesn’t matter what is going on at work; you and Rose are my main priority.I don’t like the thought of you at home alone.”
“I’ve been at home alone before, Jaxon,” I remind him, keeping my tone light.The doorbell rings, and I lift my head toward Rose’s door, tensing.“Be back.Someone is at the door and I don’t want them to wake up Rose.She’s not slept today.”
He says something but it’s muffled through the phone as I leave it on the step.The doorbell rings again and I rush faster, not wanting them to wake up Rose.
I should have checked the peephole.
