He falls to his knees and I follow, clutching him so tightly in the middle of the hospital corridor, not caring who is watching us.He’s bawling, his face shoved into my neck and shoulder.“I couldn’t hold on.I couldn’t.I tried.I tried.”
I’m crying too, unable to keep it together because this man, this beautiful man, who uses sarcasm and dirty innuendos as another language, is broken.He has fallen to his knees and broke.It’s the only way I can explain it.
“Reid,” I breathe, but it comes out like a plea because I want to take his pain.I want to take it all.But all I can do is continue to hold him whilst he continues to sob in my arms.
He pulls back, and I’m not sure how long we have been kneeling here, but the dirt on his face has smudged even more from his fresh tears.“How do I tell my mum?Or our brother?How can I—” He closes his eyes from the pain the words cause.“We need him.”
His voice is so deep, so guttural, and filled with so much pain.I grip his cheeks, sniffling to keep the sob I’m holding in at bay.“Reid.Stop.”
“I had him.I fucking had him, and I couldn’t.”
I clutch him once again, feeling his arms come around me.His hand, the one wet with blood, runs up my back, seeping into my clothes.“This isn’t your fault,” I whisper.“It’s not.”
Another presence drops down beside us.Jaxon comes into view, running his hand down the back of Reid’s head before stopping at the nape of his neck.“I couldn’t get him.If I had moved quicker...This isn’t on you.Anything that could have been done, you did.Don’t do this to yourself.Don’t, Reid.”
“Mum...”Reid sniffs, then shakes his head.“Is she...Does she...”
I run my hands over his neck when his grip on me tightens.“She’s strong,” I whisper.
“She is.And if you think she blames you, you are wrong,” Jaxon tells him, and my eyes widen in surprise when he suggests he thinks their mum blames him.“Now can you come out into the waiting room and get your hand checked?”
“No,” Reid answers.“I can’t...I can’t go out there.”
“Reid,” Jaxon pleads.
“I’ll stay with him,” Luke whispers,dropping down next to us near the wall.I wait for Reid to move too before sitting in the space between them.They both need someone right now, but they need each other more.
“I’ll go see what is happening,” Jaxon declares, getting up.
I take Reid’s hand, lowering it to my lap.Jaxon leaves, and a noise runs up Luke’s throat.“We will know, won’t we?We will know if...?”
I take Luke’s hand in my other, clutching it tightly when Reid replies, lowering his gaze.“Yes.”
*** *** ***
Ithink if the nursesallowed it, we would still be sitting in the corridor.I had been surprised an hour had passed before someone asked us to move.I didn’t think Reid or Luke would listen, but once the young nurse had explained the corridor is for emergencies, the two brothers were on their feet.
Now we’re all in the waiting area.People cough and sneeze around us, some groaning in pain, and I’m pretty sure a kid in the corner holding his hand to his chest has a broken wrist.That side of the room is for patients, waiting to see a doctor.The other side is where the Hayes and half of the Carters are gathered, waiting to see how Isaac is.
Rebecca and Evie had shown up hours ago with the two youngest Hayes brothers.They’ve been flanking their mum the entire time, soaking up her strength.Lily showed up with her uncle Myles, and she went straight to Jaxon, tears streaming down her face.
My heart hurt watching them.I have Reid on one side of me, Luke on the other.My thumb runs along the top of Reid’s good hand, needing to soothe him in some way.He hasn’t spoken since the hallway, not since he told his brother yes.He hadn’t even refused when I called a nurse to treat his hand in the waiting area.I’m not even sure he knows she did it.Luke has scarily been the same.Everyone, including Liza, has tried to talk to them, but they are both locked in their own minds, unable to let anyone in.
“Mum is coming up.She is taking Rose to Charlotte and Drew’s,” Lily whispers to Jaxon.I watch them, my heart breaking all over again because she wants to take his pain but doesn’t know how.Jaxon wants to save her from ever feeling any pain or grief.I can see it as he tries to keep it together, clutching her to his chest.“Dad needs her.I need to be with you.And Charlotte loves Rose.She will be okay.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he chokes out.
“Yes, you do,” she rasps, her breath hitching.“Yes, you do.”
He runs his hand over her slender neck, up to her cheek.“No, Angel, I don’t.But I’m so fucking grateful that you think I do.”
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you, too, baby.”
I glance at Reid to give them privacy as they lower their voices, and once more, he takes my breath away.He’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen.I can find other guys aesthetically pleasing, but none of them hold a candle to Reid.With Reid, it’s not just about how piercing his eyes are, how they crinkle when he laughs or when he’s being mischievous.It’s not about how his top lip bows a little, or how strong his jaw looks when he clenches his teeth.Hell, it’s not just the art that paints his body or how athletically fit he is that makes him the hottest guy I’ve ever laid eyes on.It’s the butterflies he gives me, how he can make me forget who I am with simple eye contact.And man, he can hold eye contact like he knows it makes you want to rip his clothes off.I will never understand why he has meaningless one-night stands.He has so much to give someone.He deserves to be given so much.A guy has never made me feel special, like I’m something new they just discovered.Not until I met him.
He glances at me, those piercing eyes doing it again.Seeking.Promising.They give off so much emotion it would bring me to my knees if I weren’t already sitting down.
