Aboa constrictor has decided to crush my body to the point I’m about to snap in half.
“Breathe, mama, nice and easy.”Carmine’s soothing voice only makes it worse.He’s being supportive, but I want to punch him in the face.
“Shut.Up,” I hiss through the contraction, bent in half trying to relieve the pressure in my back.Spoiler alert, it doesn’t work.
“Try humming,” a nurse suggests as we wait for the physician to arrive.I’ve been in labor for nearly thirty-six hours now, and I was an idiot to refuse the epidural.
“It helps, thanks.”My humming is the only sound I hear until the doctor finally appears.I don’t even know her name because I wasn’t due for two more weeks, and my OB won’t be home from vacation until tomorrow.
“Alright, let’s see if it’s time.”Doc’s cheerful tone only pisses me off, and I squeeze Carmine’s hand until he grunts.
Glancing at him, he kisses my nose, still so loving, despite the curses I’ve hurled at him.Looking down, I realize my nails have punctured the skin of his hand, and there are little drops of blood rising to the surface.“Sorry,” I groan as another contraction hits.
“Next one, you’re going to push,” the doctor instructs, and a bout of fear strikes me.
“I’m not ready.”With my whiny tone, Carmine brushes my hair back to look at my face.
“We’re ready, mama.This little one is dying to meet you.”
Humming again, I just nod.We’ve spent the last few weeks talking about what the birth will bring, especially the emotions.I asked Carmine to tell me all about Juliette’s experiences with having the girls, and he didn’t leave out much.In fact, I think he was touched that I wanted to hear about it.
“Here we go, Mom and Dad.”A contraction hits.“Big push, Noa!”the doctor says as a nurse stands on my other side, holding my leg and showing Carmine what to do.“Okay, stop.”This is torture.Pure torture.How do women do this multiple times?I’m told, “Another big push on the next contraction, and we’ll have the shoulders out.”
Breathing deeply, I close my eyes, imagining this little life out here, in my arms, when my uterus contracts again, and I’m told to push.“No more,” I say and flop back on the bed, needing a second to catch my breath.
“One more, Noa, and then baby will be out.”
Crying, my limp body is lifted as the machine beeps with another contraction, and I scream as I bear down.It’s not until I hear another, tinier scream that I stop and open my eyes.
“Want to cut the cord, Dad?”the nurse asks, handing Carmine the scissors and showing him where.
“Holy shit,” Carmine mutters.
“What?What is it?What’s wrong?”Panic envelops me like a cold hug.
“It’s a boy.”He grins from ear to ear as the nurse walks away with our son to take measurements and clean him up a little bit.“You gave me another boy.”His lips press to mine so quickly I can’t correct him.
“What do you mean, I’ve only given you him?”
Carmine looks at me like I’ve smacked my head.“Joey…”
My jaw drops.
He always claims the kids, calls them his own, and since getting married last month, we’ve filed the paperwork for Carmine to adopt them.Since their biological dad was killed in prison, there’s no one to contest it.
“I was worried,” I confess, and Carmine stops me with a finger on my lips.
“I know you were, but they’re all mine, and I’m so fucking lucky, mama.”Leaning forward, he kisses me again until we’re interrupted.
“Here you go, Mom, a perfect little boy.”The nurse hands me my son, and I fall immediately in love.
His little fist escapes his blanket, and he lets out an adorable yawn.He’s got Carmine’s nose and jawline, but my lips and eye shape.“What are we going to call him?”I ask, glancing up at my husband.He’s thinking hard.
“Ciarán,” he says, brushing a hand over our son’s head.“It was my great-grandfather's name.”
“I love it.”Nuzzling his chubby baby cheek, he’s perfect.“Ciarán Cavanaugh.Has a powerful ring to it, don’t you think?”I look up to see Carmine’s eyes on me.
“Just like his mama.”
