Another tear rolls down his cheek, and this time I lean in and kiss it.
“How did you know it wasn’t me on that bed?”
“When I first saw it, all I noticed was the blonde hair and the outfit, and then rage and horror took over. My family looked away, but I watched until I got sick. I couldn’t even watch it and be with you in that moment because I fucking threw up.”
He looks disgusted with himself, but then he roughly brushes the tears away and says, “Sasha noticed it wasn’t you. He was theonly one who kept watching, the only one who could stomach it because he knew he needed to look for clues. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have known. As soon as he pointed it out, I could see it wasn’t you. It was so obvious I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it immediately.”
“You were in shock,” I tell him. “Anyone would’ve reacted like that. I wouldn’t have noticed details if I was watching someone hurt you. No one thinks rationally when shown something like that. Well, no one except Sasha, but let’s be honest, he doesn’t think like a normal person. You can’t blame yourself for not thinking like he does.”
Niki’s grey eyes meet mine. “I blame myself for a lot of things, Van. That’s never going to change.” His eyes soften when he runs his thumb beneath my mouth. “Did he hit you?”
I think about lying, but when I hesitate, he says, “Please tell me the truth. Don’t hide it from me because you think I’m too weak to handle it.”
“I would never think that about you. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. He hit me in his office when I realized what was happening and tried to get to my phone so I could text you.” I reach up and touch my lip. “This is because he tried to kiss me. I refused to kiss him back, so he bit me. I refused to do anything with him, and he really didn’t like that.”
I can tell what I’m saying hurts him to think about, but he lets me talk, listening as I tell him everything that happened. When I’m done, he runs his finger along my bruised cheek, being careful to not put any pressure on it.
“You’re the bravest person I’ve ever met, Van, and I’ll always be in awe of you. I’m sorry he hurt you. I wish I could bring him back to life just so I could kill him again for you.” His fingers gently brush back my hair. “You know I would never have been angry at you for giving him what he wanted, right? I would neverhold something like that against you. I would’ve known you were doing it to protect yourself.”
“I know,” I say. I think back to how it had felt to have Cupid touch me and shudder at the memory. “I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fake it, not even to save myself. He was going to take what he wanted either way, but he wanted me to perform for him, to act like I wanted it.” I lean into his touch when he caresses my cheek again. “He wanted me to act like I am when I’m with you, and I couldn’t do it. You’re the only person I want touching me. My body knows that, my mind knows that, every part of me only wants you. Even if I’d wanted to fake it, I would’ve just ended up getting sick or shaking so hard it would’ve given me away. It was never going to happen, and he knew it. That’s why he was so angry when you found us. He knew it was pointless to wait for me to give in.”
“I know exactly how you feel. I’d be good and fucked if someone took me and then expected me to get hard for them. They might as well put a bullet in my head. I could never do it. I could never get my body to respond like that for anyone but you.”
He brings his face close to mine and presses a soft kiss to my cheek. With his lips barely touching my skin, he says, “I swear to you that this will be the last time anyone ever hurts you. I messed up, and I’ll live with that for the rest of my life, but I give you my word, Van, it will never happen again. I need you to know that. I need you to still have faith in me, to trust that I can keep you safe.”
“I never once doubted you,” I tell him. “Don’t forget he had his eye on me long before I met you. This didn’t happen because of you, and I know you checked him out.”
“I did. I just didn’t look hard enough. He was using a fake name.”
“See?” I tell him. “There was no way you could’ve known that. I know you don’t believe me that it’s not your fault, but I need you to believe me when I say I never once blamed you for this, and I never will.”
I know he’s fighting what I’m saying, so I don’t force it. Instead, I turn my face and kiss him gently, letting my lips stay pressed to his before finally pulling back.
“Promise me you’ll try to believe me.”
He runs his fingers through my hair and says, “I promise I’ll try.”
I nod, knowing he’s given me the best he can. “I can work with that.”
The corner of his mouth lifts the tiniest bit, and seeing it starts a small spark of hope inside me. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m in this for the long haul. Eventually, I’ll convince him I’m right. He doesn’t need to carry around this guilt. It’s the last thing I want for him, and it’s the last thing I want for our future.
But for now, I let it go and kiss him instead. “I love you. Thank you for killing him so that I don’t ever have to worry about him again.”
“I love you, too, and I’ll kill anyone who hurts you, Van. Always. But this is never happening again,” he reminds me.
“I know it won’t.” Grabbing his hands, I look at his bruised and swollen knuckles and all the dried blood he’s covered in. The skin has split, and it has to be causing him a lot of pain. “We need to get these checked out and cleaned up.”
“No,” he gently corrects. “We need to get you looked at. Tony’s already waiting upstairs.”
“Fine, but you’re getting looked at too.” When I can tell he’s about to say no, I kiss him again and start to get off his lap. His response is to tighten his grip on me and carry me out of the SUV and over to the elevator.
“Are you going to carry me everywhere from now on?”
He looks down at me. His grey eyes are still filled with worry, and I know it’ll be a while before the haunted look leaves his beautiful face. “Maybe,” he says before pushing the button for our floor. “Everything inside me is screaming at me that I should.”
I lean in and kiss his neck while the elevator starts to move. I want to go home. The dorm and my parents’ house never once cross my mind, because home is the apartment we’re headed towards, and home is the man who’s currently holding me like he’ll never be able to let go.
Chapter 21
