Niamh peered at me from under her long lashes. “You didn’t entirely seem like yourself.” It was a statement, but she said it more like a question.
I scratched the back of my neck as the fog cleared from my brain. She was right, and I felt like I owed her an explanation so she could understand what had happened, so she could know that it would never happen again. “Can I talk to you?” I asked after a long silence.
CHAPTER 21
Niamh
Wolfe and I sat on the bench by the window, Morton nowhere to be found. He must’ve actually left the library for the first time in weeks, which I was thankful for because it would have been mortifying for him to witness what had almost happened between Wolfe and me.
Maybe Wolfe hadn’t been himself, but I had, and I had no excuses for touching him like that, for flattening my hands against his chest, for tipping my chin to give him access to my mouth. I had no idea what was coming over me. I finally had a chance to belong somewhere and be safe, and I was going to ruin it all by betraying my future fiancé.
It wasn’t just that—Cillian was becoming my friend, and even if those feelings weren’t romantic yet, I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint him.
Wolfe was looking out the window, his hair matted with sweat, dirt smattering his crooked nose and cheeks, dotting his full beard. He looked so lost and so fierce all at the same time.
“There was something you wanted to tell me?” I asked, worrying at my bottom lip. Maybe he was about to say we could never see each other again, that now that he was back to himself, he realized how inappropriately we’d acted.
My stomach sank at the thought of not being able to train with Wolfe anymore. I still had so much to learn from him.
“I promise that won’t ever happen again!” I burst out.
He turned fully toward me, thick eyebrows drawing together. “What?”
“It was my fault, too, but we clearly got caught up in a heated moment, and both of us know nothing like that will happen again.”
He shook his head slowly. “Niamh, I already told you it was my fault. I wanted to tell you why it happened.” He tugged at his beard. “I’m just not great at telling stories like you are. Or talking about this.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “My brother Lor died seven years ago. Before the castle chose Cillian to be high prince.”
I nodded, knowing there was another brother, one who’d died.
“It was my fault,” Wolfe said, his voice so full of anguish it broke my heart.
“What do you mean?”
“I was training Lor, and I made a bad call. This was before the attacks had begun on Fairwitch Isle, but there were whispers of the brotherhood scouting the area. The queen at the time ordered me to go investigate, and I decided to bring Lor with me.”
I could already see where this was going, and Wolfe’s eyes shone with tears. I wanted to reach over and give him a hug, squeeze him tight, and tell him it would all be okay, but given what had just occurred between us, I stayed still, waiting for him to continue.
“Everyone told me he wasn’t ready to leave Fairwitch, to go outside its borders and spy on the brotherhood.” Wolfe’s hands clenched and unclenched in his lap. “My mother, Cillian, Nevan, and my stepfather. They all said Lor needed more time, that he was impatient and headstrong and would do something stupid.”
I hadn’t realized Wolfe had a stepfather. I wanted to ask more about that, but now wasn’t the right time.
“I didn’t listen and took Lor with me. I was so arrogant, so sure I was going to prove everyone wrong. We were just supposed to be gathering information, but Lor was young and overconfident, and he decided to attack the brotherhood members. He thought we could take them. There were ten of them and two of us. I had no choice but to follow and try to save us both, but I couldn’t.”
I sucked in a sharp breath as Wolfe’s voice broke on his next words. “I saw the Butcher knock him over the head, saw him crumple, saw the blood leaking from his skull. Before I could act, the Butcher took his body, and then they were gone.”
I couldn’t believe that when I’d first met Wolfe, I actually thought he might be the Butcher. Now that I knew him, I knew he was far too good of a man to ever sink to the Butcher’s level.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
“I tried to go after them, tried to track them, but a snowstorm separated us, and by the time I came out of my shelter, all trace of them was gone. I had no idea what direction they’d gone, what they wanted with his body. I kept traveling for weeks until I finally had to give up and come home to give everyone the horrible news that Lor was gone, and it was all my fucking fault. We couldn’t even send him off in a proper death rite ceremony because we didn’t have his body.”
My hand floated to my mouth at the guilt and shame Wolfe was carrying over this. It clearly wasn’t his fault, but I didn’t think anything I said would change his mind.
All the pieces of the puzzle that was Rafe Wolfgang were slowly coming together. “You told me to find safety today, and you were worried that you put me in danger because I wasn’t ready for something like that. You were worried something happened to me and that it would be your fault.”
My stomach sank, which was ridiculous, given everything going on. I’d thought maybe Wolfe was actually worried about me, but really, this was a response to something that had happened in his past.
I sighed. “Wolfe, today was the first day in a long time I felt brave enough to do something scary. And it was because of you.”
