“Vaeron, please.”Sylaira appeared in my mind intentionally…for the first time. And she sounded almost sad. But I didn’t want her pity.
I wanted so many things.
But not that.
Nor her hatred.
I threw up an icy wall to rival the one that separated the two realms of Keleti, hoping she’d get the hint and stay out of my head. I wasn’t sure I could calm the rage emanating from me though.
As I looked up at the sky, peering for a glimpse of stars through the canopy overhead, I prayed to our Radiant Mother for guidance. For something, anything, that told me what the fuck I could do to fix things.
I could be a better male. Goddess knew that.
But I could never be someone else. I could never undo the past.
And that was the only thing she truly wanted from me.
One of us must break…
Or neither of us could survive.
29
Our fight carved a hollow wound in our bond, a tender and mottled bruise to match the one on my injured knee. Vaeron hadn’t returned to our room after fleeing like I’d stabbed him. And as we rolled into a new town, he didn’t even acknowledge me when I said his name. Merely tossed a key into my lap and stood aside as I lowered myself to the ground with far less grace than normal. He’d vanished with the wagon without a single glance back.
His absence lingered, long enough that the innkeep had asked if I planned on going to my room. Heat scorching my cheeks, I struggled up the stairs with crutches and magic, tunic soaked in sweat by the time I threw myself onto the bed.
I groaned when my bladder twinged.
Should have used the privy while I was in the tavern.
Body aching, I shuffled into a more comfortable position and stared at the ceiling. Closed my eyes and begged sleep to swallow me.
A knock sounded on the door, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. A moment later, it swung inward, revealing my mate carrying a tray of food and vials of poppy.
Still, he didn’t look at me. Just set the tray down like he was a jailer and I was his prisoner.
“Vaeron,” I said, using his real name like a plea.
“Issaraeth,” he corrected, and it stung more than I cared to admit.
I stuck my tongue in the side of my cheek and considered my next move. That kiss had terrified me…because it felt soright. Like the stars had finally aligned in the sky. Like the clearest of crystals, dug from the bottom of a pristine lake. Like the lushest of gardens, blooming from unyielding care.
My mate had hurt me in so many ways. If I kissed him like that, allowed him to touch me, wouldn’t that be betraying the Elessarum? My parents? Heraphia and Zuriel?
I was stretched between this bond and my own beliefs, like a dancer mid-starleap with no safe place to land. Two sides of me tugging so endlessly exhaustion was the only harbor available. And then there was my plan to manipulate him to protect myself and gain power over him, so that I might eventually change the course of the realm.
He rounded the bed and handed me a milky white vial. I held onto it as he settled at the foot and tugged off my shoes. They hit the hard floor with jarring thuds.
I hadn’t undressed, given my fatigue from merely making it to the room. The wrap still bound my knee in place, preventing it from moving. He reached for it, tugging the ties loose.
“Look at me.” I leaned forward and placed my hands over his. “Please.”
He stilled, dragging in a shuddering breath. For a moment I thought he’d refuse. Get up and leave me here.
But he lifted his head.
And his eyes were glacial. No emotion. No warmth. No amusement.
