I’m not sure what could be worse than what we’ve witnessed so far, but the way she stares down at the desk tells me it exists. She roughly pushes her chair back, the wheels screeching against the concrete floor as she storms out.
This is the first time I’ve been left alone in the security room since Rowan initiated me. The captives are busy doing the same shit they always do as they stand under the spray, but I turn up the volume so I can hear normal conversation as I switch between the cameras to find anything I can use against Rowan.
They begin arguing over their love confessions Sasha is obsessed with listening to as I find surveillance for a room I’ve never seen before. Everything inside of it is warm, standingout against the rows of concrete walls and floors. The interior matches what a cabin would look like with the wood walls, large stone fireplace, and plush furnishings. The flicker from the open fire casts shadows around the empty room.
Just as I’m about to click off the screen to find an occupied room, Rowan steps out of a door on the back wall hidden by the shadows. The only difference between him and Lennox are the gloves on Lennox’s hands. I have to lean closer to hear their conversation as I keep an eye on the door.
“Why must you get attached?” Rowan scoffs.
“We need him on our side,” Lennox says. “Our family has already lost too much, so punish me in his place.”
Are they talking about me?
They must be considering there aren’t any other long-lost family members, but the use of punishment fucks with my head since I know what Rowan uses.
Lennox blankly removes his suit jacket, then his shirt, meticulously folding them before placing them on a chair around the large oak table. I wince at the deep scarring on his back. Maybe this punishment will be different than what I think it is. When he begins to remove his shoes, slacks, and boxers, I know it isn’t. He bends over the table, laying his cheek on the wood. Naked.
“Would you like a change?” Rowans stops in front of the fire, surveying the brass fire companion set with a smile.
There’s a sick sense of curiosity forcing me to continue watching. I can’t be understanding the situation correctly. The longer I watch, the worse it gets as Lennox apathetically states, “I’m back with you, like you wanted. Do what’s required.”
Rowan lifts the long tongs from the iron holder, tilting them as he slowly steps onto the stone hearth to rest the sharp prongs in the center of the coals. It’s not until after the brass is glowing, when he stands behind Lennox that I notice the healing scarstretching across Lennox’s back has the same swirls as each item hanging from the fire companion.
This sick fuck smiles wider as he ghosts the glowing brass above Lennox’s skin. Rowan carefully leans down, avoiding the heat as he kisses Lennox’s forehead. “This is like the other times. You are part of me. You belong to me.”
The keyboard clatters as I attempt to change the screen while he undoes his zipper, but my fingers skim the keys so it ends up becoming bigger. I manage to get rid of it on the second attempt, but still it’s there, burned into my memory.
More guilt.
First, it was Delilah. Then my beautiful butterfly. Then Delilah again. Now Lennox is added to it because he asked to be punished in my place.
Twenty years ago, I knew who I was. It was easy to carry my name; I knew every facet of what made me without any loathing. There were parts of myself I disliked. I was too quiet, too trusting, too hopeful. But there wasn’t resentment in every breath.
“Because you didn’t fall into Delilah’s trap,”Asher says.
“It’s not her fault.”
He walks around me to soundlessly take a seat on the chair Sasha vacated.“She did all of this when I was going to keep you safe. I would’ve been here while you had your life, collecting marbles or doing whatever boring shit you wanted.”
“You don’t get it. I wanted her, I needed her,” I argue back. “She didn’t do anything. It’s on me. I knew she was yours, so I should have left her alone.”
“Do you think she loved you?”
“I don’t even give a fuck anymore. If I’m being honest, I didn’t give a fuck then either. As long as I loved her, it was enough. Fuck me, the amount of times I would watch her while she was in your arms is embarrassing.”
“She didn’t love you,”he snaps. “She can’t love anyone. You’ll never have a family with her, and she will never look at you without seeing me. Is that what you want?”
“I met her first,” I gloat. “Technically, she always saw me.”
His eyes darken, nostrils flaring at being caught out. I can’t rub it in further because there’s a loud slam behind me, forcing me to turn as Sasha stomps into the room. She narrows her eyes at me then at the screens. “Were you watching naughty movies?”
“Don’t be disgusting, you’re a child.” I turn back to watch the screens now that Asher has left. “You missed their arguing.”
“They’re sweet.” The teenager dumps a dry bag filled with marshmallows in front of me. “You can have one and a half.” She punches me in the arm when she sees the shower isn’t on. “Put it back on.”
Lennox doesn’t actany differently after his punishment, which makes it even more disconcerting when I’d lose time for days after the ninetieth day. But he’s calmly sitting beside me as we drive through London to the same hotel we met Niko in last time.
He was silent during the flight too. Is that his reaction? He’s always quiet though. It’s wrong to know he’s been violated because of me and not address it. Yet the thought of bringing it up makes my own memories come back, so I shut my mouth as I stare out of the window at the normal people going about their normal lives.
