“You feel violated. I understand it. Please let me take you home.”
“I need to do this on my own,” I tell him, sincerely. “Please… let me go.”
The next time I go to leave, he lets me. With a reluctant and weak smile, he nods, knowing I need this to feel in control. I can see the anxiety sitting in his features, like the string between us might snap, but no matter how much I want to comfort him, I can’t.
“I—I’ll call you,” I tell him, and he gestures in understanding. And if I didn’t think I loved him before, that simple gesture confirms it for me, making it even harder to walk out of that room once and for all.
SEVENTEEN
I knew Gabby was a backstabber. Even back in pre-school when she would yank on my pigtails, I knew she wasn’t someone to mess with, but I still didn’t think she’d go this far. She posted the video of Axl and I on her blog, and it’s become a pointed highlight. There are thousands of comments, all from various townspeople. They’re vile and absolutely heartless, turning on me because I had the gall to fall in love with someone they deem lower.
Luckily, the video isn’t explicit. She had missed most of the real juicy material that happened moments before, but it’s not difficult to tell what we’d been doing. We were panting, our skin sweaty, my hair in disarray, and the fly of his tuxedo was still undone. I’ve watched the video a couple of times myself and I have to say, watching it doesn’t bring me the type of anger Gabby thought it would. If anything, I think what she caught on camera was hot as fuck. Seeing Axl like that from a different point of view, destroyed from having me, is the best thing that could have happened from this entire mess.
Despite the suddenness of it all, I don’t really care our secret is out. I don’t care about my supposed “reputation” or the factmy mother is incredibly angry at me for “ruining her gala.” None of that matters, because now that the veil has been lifted, I’ve never felt lighter. There’s nothing holding me back now. Screw every person in this town and screw my supposed friends for putting my life on blast so they can laugh about it behind their dirty crystal walls. I have someone who cares about me; that’s more valuable than any gold or connection this town could give me.
I wish I could say everything from the gala ran clean off my back, but that would be a lie. There’s still one thing that’s been haunting me since that evening, something that has kept my stomach twisted in knots, and that was the look on Brent’s face. The disappointment and betrayal I made him feel. That is what’s bothering me, more than anything else. So, I have to make it right.
Brent’s apartment building is one of the nicer ones in town. Most families in Greenwood are ridiculously rich, but Brent’s family is close to royalty. I never fully understood how they ended up here, but at the same time, I’ve never asked. There was always something missing from my relationship with Brent, and it’s not because he forgot the things I said or canceled on our dates. There’s been something lacking ever since we first decided to go out, and I now know it’s because I wasn’t attracted to him. He’s put-together and calm, and I am attracted to danger. It never would have worked, but it only took me falling for Axl to finally realize that.
I pull out my phone and dial Brent’s number, hoping he’ll answer just this once. And I get my wish when he picks up after two rings.
“Hey.” His voice sounds tired, and another bout of guilt pierces me.
“Hey,” I sigh. “I’m outside your building. Can we talk?”
A few seconds go by and then it sounds like he gets up from wherever he’s sitting. “Yeah, sure.”
The door beeps as Brent lets me in, and I dredge up the stairs. When I get to his floor, he’s already standing in the doorway waiting for me, lounging in simple sweatpants and a T-shirt. It’s the most casual I’ve ever seen him, and I realize we never really hung out together at his place. He’d always pick me up, or we’d hang out on campus. And when winter and summer come around, he’s always off traveling.
“Thank you for answering,” I say once we’re in his apartment.
“Let’s sit,” is the only thing he says in response.
His living room is completely white and almost void of personality. It’s fancy, classy, but I know there’s no way anyone would eat in a room this pristine. You could see a stain from a mile away. I sit down on the edge of the rough couch and realize that, despite how much it may cost, it is extremely uncomfortable. Something that’s only meant to be looked at.
It’s awkward, quiet, and Brent looks like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders as he stares at the floor.
I gulp and finally speak up. “I’m sorry. I should have told you, or found some way of telling you about Axl despite not seeing you all week.” I bite my lip, nervous to say the next words. “But I’m not going to apologize for falling for him. Or for finally acting on my feelings.”
Brent finally looks up at me, his gaze full of surprise. “You fell for him?” he asks. “This wasn’t just like… a sexual thing? You trying to find some kind of thrill from it?”
I shake my head. “No. I’ve been doing this dance with Axl for a long time. But you know how our town is, how myparentsare. I never considered letting it happen before.”
He nods, and I’m surprised to note he doesn’t look angry. “What changed?”
To be honest, what had changed? Everything about Axl had eaten away at my resolve for years until there was no other option than to give in. He and I had both changed since we first met, but there was always that spark there, waiting to be ignited, waiting for one of us to realize it was there.
“I got tired of pretending,” I told him, feeling vulnerable. “I used to think I was strong because I was capable of putting on the mask needed to live in this town, but I realized my strength just meant I lacked courage. I’m just sorry you were affected by all of this.”
Brent goes quiet again, staring at the blinding white carpet with intense thought.
“Do you forgive me?” I ask him.
He looks up, surprised like he forgot I was there. “Of course I do, Stacey. I should be apologizing too. I wasn’t a very good boyfriend.”
I immediately want to go on the defense, to tell him hewas, but that would be a lie. “We just weren’t right for each other,” is what I say instead.
“No, we weren’t,” he agrees. “I don’t blame you, by the way. I’ve been avoiding your calls all week. I’m sorry for that.”
