My eyes began to burn. I blinked hard and stared straight ahead until the feeling passed.
The plane eventually taxied away from the gate, and then we were climbing high into the night sky, the engines deepening into that steady, relentless hum that always made time feel somewhat unreal.
As soon as we leveled off and the seatbelt sign clicked off, signaling we'd reached our cruising altitude, I reached into my pocket, telling myself I was just going to check the time.
There were no new messages. Why would there be? Sebastian and I hadn’t spoken in days.
I opened our last exchange and stared down at it.
Me
I know you need space, and I’m trying to respect that.
I am.
But I need you to know how sorry I am.
I handled that conversation badly.
I was an asshole.
The words “need space”swam in front of me, and I could practically hear Sebastian telling me he couldn’t do this right now.
“I think it’s better for both of us if we take a step back,” he’d said, his voice flat. “It’s time to take a beat and think about what we both really want—and if we’re even capable of having that.”
I’d begged him not to do this. Promised I’d find a way to get past my jealousy.
And I nearly thought I’d gotten through to him until he said, “I need space, Taylor. Please respect that.”
I’d said something in response, but I didn’t even remember what now. Something defensive, probably. Something that proved his point, I was sure.
I scrolled up a little further, to the message I’d sent the morning after I watched him walk out of my house.
Me
Just tell me you’re okay.
I stared at my words for a long time, then I did the thing I promised myself I wasn’t going to do.
I started typing.
Me
I hate how we left things
I hate that I hurt you.
My thumb hovered over the send button, debating whether this was a bad idea ... debating whether this would make everything worse. But before I could talk myself out of it, I pressed it.
When three dots instantly appeared, my heart lodged in my throat. I held my breath without meaning to, my fingers tightening around the phone.
My mood soured, instantly going from self-pity to anger … outrage at myself for the way my body curved over the phone like I was protecting something fragile and precious.
Sebastian’s response came through a couple of minutes later.
Sebastian
This isn’t you giving me space.
