The idea of hurting someone during sex would have gutted him.
“Taylor,” I breathed out.
“I know what people say about prep and patience and all that,” he continued, his voice cracking. “But even in porn—where theydoprep—once the fucking starts, no one looks like they’re actually enjoying it. All that wincing and gritted teeth and fake moans. It evensoundspainful.”
He looked at me finally, his expression open and raw.
“Taylor. This isn’t on you.”
He shook his head. “It is. I hurt her?—”
“Because she pushed you to continue when you wanted to stop.” Heat crept into my voice—anger, but not at him. Not even at her, really.
I took a breath, trying to rein in my frustration, and forced my voice to be soft. “You’re not a monster, Taylor. You’re someone who had a bad experience and drew a completely reasonable conclusion from it.”
His eyes were wet. “I felt awful.”
“I know. And youneverhave to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Not with me, not with anyone.”
He was still for a long moment, then he nodded slowly, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. He exhaled hard and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I get it if this changes things for you,” he said quietly. “If you don’t want to do this after all.”
I threaded our fingers together. “I want this,” I said, my voice thick. “Howeveryouwant it.”
He stared down at our joined hands for a long beat, his thumb tracing small circles over my knuckles. “Thank you for … all of that. For not making me feel like shit about it.”
“Taylor.” I squeezed his hand. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
His eyes met mine, something vulnerable and hopeful at the same time flickering there.
I tugged his hand, pulling down. “Come here.”
He came willingly, resting his forehead in the crook of my neck. We stayed like that for a long while, just breathing together.
“You okay?” I asked eventually.
He lifted his head, his eyes settling on mine.
They were clearer. They were something else, too, that I was trying really damn hard not to read into.
“I don’t want to leave here with any regrets,” he whispered, his tongue flicking out to wet his bottom lip.
I’d told myself this probably wasn’t going to happen after all. That we were going to just lie here together like we used to. And I’d been good with that. Happy, even.
But now …
After everything we’d talked about.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
“Taylor.”
“Sebastian.”
I brushed the pads of my fingers over his cheeks. Over the smattering of freckles just under his eyes. He’d always been freckly, but there were more now.
“I’m trying really hard not to jump to conclusions here, so I’m going to need you to be really fucking clear about what it is you’re saying right now.”
His eyes flicked between mine for a few heartbeats. “I’m saying I want you.”
