The post-ceremony celebration starts almost immediately as friends and family move in to congratulate us and wish us well. “I’ll be right beside you all night,” Carter says, slipping an arm around my waist and giving me a squeeze.
I love that he knows I need the reminder.
He stays true to his word, never leaving me as I greet his teammates and hug his mom. I meet former Appies players and former coaches. And Carter meets Emerson’s boyfriend, Jeremy, who is just as much a Jaguars fan as Emerson promised.
“I already love you,” Jeremy says as he gives me a hug, “just based on how highly Emerson speaks of you. But the fact that I’m currently sharing a room with the entire Jaguars team has definitely earned you some bonus points.”
“What about me? Do I get bonus points?” Carter asks from beside me.
Jeremy’s face flushes as he looks up at my husband.My. Husband.I wonder if I’ll ever get used to saying that.
“Oh, you definitely don’t need them,” he says. “But if you want some anyway, bonus points are easily bought with gifts. A jersey signed by all your teammates, maybe?”
Carter grins. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Theo gives me a big hug, welcoming me to the family, and I must get at least five different hugs from Poppy, Olive, and Charlie, who is delighted to tell me she’s tripled the size of her glasses collection. The ones she’s wearing tonight are purple with pink hearts on the sides.
The other hockey wives and girlfriends are lovely and welcoming, many encouraging me to come to the next game just so I can sit with them. I smile and nod andpromise I’ll try, hating that I’m going to disappoint them all.
I wonder how long they’ll want to include me if I only go to the events that don’t have anything to do with playing actual games.
“Don’t worry about it,” Carter says, his voice close to my ear. “There are a lot of other ways you can support the team.”
I give him a grateful smile, but I still can’t shake the sense of disappointment in myself. This isn’t just about letting down the other hockey wives. It’s about letting him down too. That’s the worst part.
Across the room, Theo and Holly are having an animated discussion with a few other Jaguars players, and Theo calls over to his brother.
“Carter! Come give us your opinion,” he says.
Carter looks down at me. “Will you be okay for a second?”
I nod. “Go. I’m good.”
“I’ll keep her company,” Kim says, moving in beside me.
Carter leans down and presses a kiss to my temple, then he moves across the room to stand next to his brother. I watch him go, feeling a strange mix of happiness and sadness at the same time. Happiness because I like him so much—and because I’m incredibly grateful he’s the guy who said yes to this wild scheme. Sadness because I desperately wish I could be what he wants. What heneeds.
“How are you holding up?” his mom asks. After multiple FaceTime calls, it already feels like I know her, but Kim Williamson is even better in person. She’s warm and maternal and vivacious, and I really, really like her.
“It’s a little overwhelming,” I say, “but it’s been a good day. It’s nice to have so many loved ones together at once.”
She nods. “So true. And teammates too. This team hasbeen such a good family for the boys.” She looks over at me. “You’ll need that family. I’m sure you know just from your brother, but being a hockey wife is not for the faint of heart.”
I force a smile, even as my gut tightens the slightest bit. “Yeah, I’ve gotten that sense.”
“With how much they travel and the potential for injuries or sudden trade deals, I’m not sure I could do it.” She looks over at me. “Carter will make it seem worth it though. He’s been ready to love someone since he was fifteen.”
A knot forms in the back of my throat. “Yeah, he’s pretty special.”
“Honestly, I wasn’t even surprised when he told me y’all were getting married,” she continues. “I admittedly thought you might be pregnant at first, with how fast the wedding happened, but when he explained you wanted to get married before playoffs, I understood. And I could tell just by his words how much he loves you. I always knew with him that once he fell, he’d fall hard and fast.”
A twinge of guilt makes my heart feel tight. I don’t like that we’re being dishonest with so many people today, but Carter’s mom is the one who hits me the hardest. He clearly gets his earnest nature from her, and she seems genuinely happy for us. It’s been hard enough having these conversations with her on the phone, but it’s so much more difficult in person.
She would be so disappointed if she knew we were only pretending.
“Mrs. Williamson, will you excuse me for a moment?” I say, then I hustle across the hall and duck into the home office that’s off the kitchen. Well, sort of home office. Anna treats the space more like a library. It has floor-to-ceiling shelves packed full of her paperbacks.Novels and books of poetry and memoirs. There’s a desk in the middle of the room that the girls use for coloring or other art projects while Anna stretches out on the chaise longue to read. She might be the only person I know who reads more than I do.
At least for right now, the room is blissfully empty, so I take a second to breathe, to let the quiet soothe my frayed nerves.
