Silence stretches between us, and I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing I am. There isn’t anything else to do but go to bed, but I’ve been away from her for nine days, and Idon’t really want to say goodbye to her yet, even just for her to walk to her own bedroom.
But I also don’t want to come on too strong. There are things I need to say, promises I want to make, and I’m not sure I can do the conversation justice at four in the morning.
She reaches up and tugs on the penny that’s hanging around my neck. “Penny for your thoughts?” she whispers.
“Are you sure you want them?” I ask, letting out a little laugh.
“That’s the rule, isn’t it?”
“Only if you give me a new penny,” I say. “That’sthe rule.”
She purses her lips to the side, like she’s really thinking about where she might find an actual penny. Then her expression brightens. “Wait! I totally have one.” She tilts her head toward the living room. “Go sit down. I’ll be right back.”
She disappears down the hall that leads to her bedroom. I kick off my shoes and sink onto the couch, feeling a new wave of exhaustion. But then Sarah comes back, eyes bright, looking stupidly beautiful considering the hour, and drops a penny into my palm.
“Your penny,” she says, lowering herself onto the cushion beside me. “Now spill.”
“I’m warning you,” I say. “There might not be anything graceful about this. I’m too tired to be tactful.”
“Consider me warned,” she says.
I lean forward and drop the penny onto the coffee table, then I reach over and take her hand, holding it with both of mine. My thumb brushes over her wedding band, and I lift my gaze to meet hers. “I’m thinking…that I love you. That I’ve probably loved you since before I married you even if I hadn’t admitted it yet. I’m thinking that I want a life with you. That even though we did this backwards, I really want to be married for real. I’m thinking that I want to kiss you every single day. That I want us to have a family—not yet. Just…one day. Whenever we feel ready. And…” I swallow against a sudden knot in my throat. The way she’s looking at me right now, it’s taking everything in me not to pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless. “And I’m thinking that I don’t ever want you to sleep in your bed again,” I say. “Because I want you in mine.”
She smiles, biting her lip in that way that kills me. “Those thoughts are worth a lot more than a penny.”
“Are they?”
She nods, then scoots over and climbs onto my lap, straddling me so her knees bracket my hips. She takes my face in her hands, her thumbs brushing over my jawline, and leans down to kiss me. I lift my hands to her hips, content to let her lead, to guide wherever this kiss is taking us. It’s languid and slow, tender in all the right ways. Kissing like this is its own kind of intoxication. As tired as I am, I still feel like I could do this all night.
Sarah breaks the kiss, but she stays close, her forehead pressed to mine. “I love you too,” she whispers, and something in my heart turns over and clicks into place. “I still can’t believe Igetto love you, that we stumbled into a life that feels this good.” Another kiss. “Also, you have the better mattress anyway. So…” Her words send fire racing through my veins, but then her mouth is on mine again, and I’m lost to her. To her taste, to the brush of her tongue against mine, the feel of her hands moving over my arms, my shoulders, my chest.
I slide my hands up to her back, fingers dipping under the hem of her shirt to press against her skin.
She leans back and looks at me, brown eyes heavy. “Takeme to bed, Carter,” she whispers. “Make me your wife for real.”
Dawn has turnedthe world a hazy blue before Sarah finally falls asleep, her head resting on my chest, one leg hooked over mine.
I should sleep too, but I can’t stop thinking about the magic of holding her like this. I was not prepared for the gift it was to love all of her before I knew her body like I know it now.
Love changes everything—intensifieseverything.
All those years ago, when I was getting the therapy I wish my brother had gotten with me, I learned that if life gets overwhelming, I can change my to-do list into aget-tolist for a much-needed dose of perspective.
I get to play a hockey game tomorrow night. And hopefully, if we can make it without Theo, a few more games after that one.
I get to share a career I love with my brother. I get to help him get better—both his handandhis heart.
I get to learn how to be a great uncle to Poppy and Olive and Fiona and a brother-in-law to my team captain.
I get to build a life with a woman who feels like she was always meant to be the other half of my heart.
I get to.
What an incredible privilege.
EPILOGUE
SARAH
