“I get that,” Carter says, but Miles holds up his hand, stopping him before he can say more.
“Just let me finish.”
I shoot Carter an amused look. Even in his apology, Miles is still being veryMiles.
“My frustration has never been aboutyoupersonally,” Miles continues. “It’s always been about my own fear and my unwillingness to relinquish control. But then when I showed up at your house and you wouldn’t back down, I realized you’re exactly the kind of man I want for my sister. Not because you can protect her as well as I can, but because you recognize her strength better than I ever have.” Miles finally shifts his gaze over to me. “I’m sorry, Sarah,” he says. “I’m not going to tell you what to do anymore. I trust you. And I really do think you’re an amazing artist. Anna says I haven’t made that clear enough, so I’m going to work on that.” He waves a hand in our general direction. “And if the two of you want to just…be in loveor whatever, then I guess I’m happy for you.”
I make eye contact with Carter. We haven’t said anything about love—not to each other—but I’m not about to protest when Miles is essentially giving us his blessing. Not just for a marriage of convenience but for arealunion. A real marriage.
We’ve done everything out of order. Marriage is usually the thing you build to—work toward for months and months, getting to know each other, learning how to fight, learning how to compromise. We’ve got the marriage part out of the way, but all that other stuff hasn’t happened yet, and there’s something scary about that.
Then again, maybe knowing we love each other is enough. Love is what makes you willing to put in the work. I’ve never been so certain that I’m willing—that a life with Carter is exactly what I want.
I reach for Carter’s hand, pulling both of his into mine and capturing his full attention. I tilt my head toward Miles. “That’s why I can’t go to hockey games,” I say. “The fighting triggers panic attacks. I saw one game where someone was punching Miles, and I just…lost it. But I really want to figure this out. I’m already talking to my therapist again because Iwantto come. I want to watch you play and support you as well as you’ve supported me.”
Carter leans over, cradling my face as he kisses me softly, his thumbs wiping at the tears suddenly spilling out of my eyes. “I don’t need you to be there,” he says. “I mean, of course I’d love for you to be, but…I’ve been thinking about the possibility of Theo not playing again, and I don’t want hockey to be the only thing I have going for me.” He looks over at Miles. “We could lose all of this at any moment. Any game. One wrong move and we’re out. Finished. I want what I have at home to be important enough that if that happens, I still have a reason to wake up in the morning.” Carter pulls his gaze back to me, his expression so earnest, it makes my heart ache in my chest. “That’s you for me, Sarah. That’s what I want us to have.”
He kisses me one more time, this time long enough to make me keenly aware that my big brother is watching.
To Miles’s credit, he doesn’t joke or comment or tell us to get a room, even though I’m one hundred percent certain he wants to.
Carter gives me a small smile as he pulls back, his hands lingering on my face. “Thanks for telling me,” he says.
“I’m sorry I didn’t sooner. It’s not particularly easy to talk about. Also,someonedidn’t want me to.” I tilt my head toward Miles, who holds his hands up defensively.
“Don’t look at me like that. You got your apology. And Idid all the extra things Anna said I had to do to make sure you know I really meant it.” He points at Carter’s still uneaten meal. “I warmed up his food, which, come on, man. It’s probably not even warm anymore.”
Carter chuckles as he picks up the container. “I don’t mind eating it cold. Thanks for bringing it.”
“So are we good?” Miles says, clapping his hands on his knees.
I stand and hold out my hand, motioning for Miles to get off his chair and give me a hug. “We’re good,” I say. “Thanks for apologizing.”
“So, talk to me about Theo,” Miles says as he sits back down. “What are we going to do to get him back on the ice by next season?”
28
CARTER
Theo’s surgeoncomes out to talk to us just after one in the morning. She looks exhausted, but she’s smiling when she tells us that everything went as well as she could have hoped, and she expects Theo will make a solid recovery, despite the extensive repairs his injury required.
Only time will truly tell us what challenges he’ll face when it comes to hockey. The surgeon mentions lingering tightness from the tendon repair and potential nerve damage that could have long-term impacts, but overall, we have every reason to be hopeful.
“Theo is still in postoperative recovery,” she says once she’s gone over everything. “But once he’s moved to a regular room, a nurse will take you up to see him.”
I breathe out a sigh and sink back onto the couch. “So, more waiting,” I say.
Sarah sits down next to me and drops her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know how the two of you still have your eyes open,” she says to me and Miles. “I barely can, and you’re the ones who played a hockey game tonight.”
“Yeah, but you put my kids to bed,” Miles says from the opposite row of chairs. “I’ve done both, and hockey is easier.”
I lean my head back against the wall and chuckle. “I believe it.”
Five minutes later, a nurse walks into the room, and I sit up a little taller, surprised Theo has already been moved. But then I recognize Rebecca.
Something tells me she’snothere to take us to Theo’s room.
She sits down directly across from me, her expression focused, resolute.
