What’s taking these fucking lights so long?
I glance over at Hell. Her face is white with worry, and she’s biting on her lower lip as her head rests on the window. She’s lost in thought as she stares out blankly, and a lone tear rolls down her cheek and lands on her top. I reach over and take her hand, a silent move in solidarity, but she doesn’t look at me. She just tightens her grip.
A car beeps behind me, making Hell jump in fright. I snap my attention back to the lights, noting they’re green now. I reluctantly retract my hand and pull away.
We park up outside the maternity ward and make our way inside. It’s a hive of activity.
The nurse takes our notes and shows us into a side room. Hell is quiet, and I can almost hear her thoughts as she tries to make sense of the situation. There hasn’t been a word spoken since we left the clubhouse. It’s as if neither of us know the right words right now.
Hell climbs onto the bed, and the nurse does her observations. She jots some notes down and smiles warmly.
“You’re in safe hands,” she says softly. “I just need to attach these to you.” She holds up some wires. “We need to check the baby’s movements and heart rate. Is that okay?” Hell nods. “Can you lift your top for me? This wraps around your stomach.” The machine begins to beep as she adjusts the belt into place.
“That’s a good sign, right?” I ask, almost relieved.
The nurse’s smile is tight as she watches the machine closely before turning to us both.
When she takes Hell’s hand, my stomach drops, bracing for bad news.
“The baby’s heart rate is there, but it’s not as strong as we’d like.”
Hell’s head snaps in my direction, and her eyes fill with pain.
I take her other hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “What does that mean?” I ask.
“That your baby isn’t happy right now. We see this kind of activity when the baby is in distress. What we need to do now is ensure that the baby is getting enough oxygen.” She gives a sympathetic smile. “I don’t want you to panic.”
I sigh loudly, the room heavy with unspoken words. Hell’s sobs fill the space. Her heart is shattering, and there is nothing I can do to help her, no way I can stop any of it.
“Listen,” the midwife says as she rubs Hell’s arm, “this isn’t the worst-case scenario. We just have to act quickly, okay. I needyou to take some deep breaths, and I’m going to go grab you a gown.”
She leaves the room, and I slide onto the bed, pulling Hell against my chest and pressing kisses to her head.
The nurse enters with a gown and lays it on the bed along with some long socks like the type you’d get on a long flight.
“I’ll be just outside whilst you change, okay,” she says as she leaves the room again.
I slide from the bed and move Hell’s legs so they’re hanging off the side. She grimaces and clutches at the bed sheets as another wave of pain hits her.
“You okay?” I ask and automatically feel like a complete twat because nothing about this is okay. “I’m sorry, stupid fucking question.”
We wait for the pain to subside before I help her to her feet. I lift her jumper over her head and unhook her bra as she slides it off. I hold out the hospital gown, and she slides it on and turns around for me to tie it at the back.
Once I’m done, she turns back to face me. “I’m going to help slide your leggings off, okay?” She nods, and I get down on my knees. She holds onto my shoulders for support as I reach under her gown and roll down her leggings. I tap her ankles one at a time for her to step out, then I help her back onto the bed before going to the door to let the midwife know.
She breezes back in seconds later.
“So, I’ve spoken to the consultant, and he would like you to have an epidural––”
“No,” Hell says abruptly. “I can’t. I . . .” she stammers.
I rub the back of her hand. “You can do this, Hell. You’re the strongest woman I know.”
“But—” There’s worry etched on her face.
“No but’s. If this is what the doctors think is needed, it’s what we do.”
“Rochelle,” the midwife’s voice is stern, and we both look at her, “we need to give you an epidural because if the baby’s heart rate continues to drop, we will have no option but to go straight down to the emergency theatre. This isn’t to scare you. I’m just giving you all the facts.”
