So, yeah, I might love him, but I hate what he’s done, and even having him publicly choose me, isn’t enough for me to just forgive and forget.
I make my way over to the table in the courtyard and lower myself onto the seat. Bella and Red follow me, Meli firmly attached to Red’s side. I look at her fondly, knowing that someday soon, I’ll be able to hold my own baby in my arms. Of course, it’s nothing like I imagined my situation to be, but still, I’ll finally have my baby.
I glance over at Drifter, noting how tired he looks, and my heart twists.
When he held me back just then, I softened into his touch. It reminded me of when we were teenagers and he’d confessed how much he liked me. I shudder, pushing the thought away. After everything he’s done, why does my body and mind still try to betray me?
I will not cave in. I will not cave in.I repeat the words like a mantra because I refuse to become my mother.
“You okay?” Bella asks, bringing my attention back to her.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Yeah, just thinking.Again. It’s all I seem to do just lately.” I add a weak smile.
The women exchange a knowing look, then Red lowers Meli to the floor. “Meli, why don’t you see if Noah wants to play on the bouncy castle?” Her little eyes light up with excitement, and she skips off to find Noah.
She sits on the chair opposite me. “Spill.”
I groan. “Well, it’s just . . .” I place my hand over my stomach, smiling when I feel movement. “Everything has changed. I was excited to be a mum and have Drifter by my side. And, well, all that’s fucked now.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Bella mutters, and my head snaps up in surprise. “Whoa, calm down,” she adds, laughing. “I’m just saying, you can still be angry for the pain he’s put you through and be amazing parents together.”
My brows knit together. “Look, I know more than anyone what it’s like for my boys not having both their parents. Don’t get me wrong, Liam was a fucking arsehole, and he deserves it all, but do I wish we could have co-parented like reasonable adults? Of course. Would that have been better for my boys? Absolutely.” She takes a moment for those words to sink in before gently adding, “Drifter fucked up.” I open my mouth to interrupt, but she puts her hand up to stop me. “I haven’t finished.”
I smirk at Red, and she bites her lower lip to stop her laugh escaping. Bella’s really grown in confidence since being with us, and it’s nice to see.
“He fucked up and he hurt you, but he can still be an amazing dad. You both have to be adults and speak about things. Make sure you’re both on the same page. That baby growing inside you deserves you both. Don’t let your feelings for him damage the relationship they’ll have with him.”
I twist my hands in my lap, knowing she’s right. Both her and Red’s husbands were complete arseholes, and neither of them are in their kids’ lives. I don’t want that for our child.
“I’m sorry,” she says gently, squeezing my hand.
I shake my head, forcing a smile. “Don’t be, I needed to hear it.”
She offers me a sympathetic smile. “I mean well, I promise.”
I look across to where Drifter is, and as if he senses it, he looks up and meets my eyes. He offers a weak, tired smile and my heart twists painfully in my chest. He deserves to be a hands-on dad.
The rest of the evening passes without too much drama. I sit on the veranda, watching everyone as the sun slowly sets over the compound wall. The courtyard is a hive of activity, and it’s nice to be out here with everyone again. It reminds me of the early days when life felt . . . easier.
A blanket is draped over my shoulders, and I glance up right into Drifter’s eyes. I feel my walls beginning to crumble as I clutch the blanket and wrap it around myself like a coat of armour. I tuck my legs underneath me.
“We can’t have you getting a chill,” he murmurs, a smile ghosting his lips. He points to the seat beside me. “Can I sit?”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I continue to watch the sun setting, but I feel him staring at me, even though he doesn’t speak a word.
The conversation with Bella is playing on my mind, and I twist slightly in my seat.
“We need to talk,” I mutter.
“We do,” he whispers with a slight nod. His eyes burn into mine, and I feel like he’s reading my every thought.
“Listen,” I drop my feet back to the floor and sit straighter, “I don’t think I can ever forgive what you did.” I bite on my lip before taking another deep breath and sighing on its release. “But in a few months, we’ll be having this baby together.”
He places his hand on my knee and gives it a gentle squeeze, his eyes suddenly brighter and filled with hope. “We can make this work, I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just say the words,” he rushes out.
I hate that I’m about to break him. I pull my knee from his grasp, and he glances down before frowning.
“That’s not what I mean. We,” I gesture between us, “are definitely over.”
